I'm not responcible for this
by Moonpuppy
Summary: Dried up Springs convinscated by the Chinese government, Ryoga lost in America, and alien invasions of the weirdest kinds.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer! I only made up Tony, Zuu, Toby, Nick, Carlos, Rho, Steve and any and all Shae. I did not make up the others. I also made up Carla, but anyone who wants her can take her. You take Zuu without permission and you steal my poor battered non-existent soul.  
  
  
  
I'm not responsible for this!!!  
  
Part 1: Complications  
  
Jusenkyo, China  
  
The falls are calm. The guide is away on a holiday. The only sounds of the place of tragedy are soft tidal crashing, wind rustling the leaves-  
  
And from the house, food being quickly eaten.  
  
The sounds continue for a minute, and a small black streak exits, but fades too soon to tell what it is. The only hints of what happened inside are two empty bowls stacked on top of each other, a pair of chopsticks, ¥3000, and a note scribbled on a napkin in bad handwriting, which says:  
  
Food was GoOd.  
  
SorRy AbouT the MesS.  
  
HopE thIs is EnOUgh to Pay for it.  
  
-SaoTomE  
  
In a way, no more needs to be said.  
  
Campsite outside Jusenkyo  
  
The site is messy, but in the way that suggests recent use. The only thing that seems odd is a small journal on top of a map. The map is of the springs, showing visitors where every one of them is, but not naming any. All of them have 'X' marks on them.  
  
The journal is in the same poor handwriting.  
  
Day 39 of 3rd Year  
  
I have SeArcheD all ThE SpRinGs now, except for the OnES the map says are drIed up. NonE of Them are tHe NanNiIChuAN. I Can onLy assume tHAt it is one oF the DrY springs. It's a SaD thing tO thINk, buT there's NO CuRe foR Me. ToMMorRow i hEad HomE, A FaILure. I DoN't KNOW wHAt to do NoW.  
  
Ranma picks up the notebook and rereads it, sighing deeply. He folds the map up, places it neatly in the book to mark the page, and starts to pack. When he's finished, he walks up to the cliff over Jusenkyo. He looks carefully at it.  
  
"To think, I keep coming back here. I know I've failed. I guess, I just outta accept my fate. But Pop, Ryoga, Shampoo, Mousse. They don't deserve it. 'Specially since it's all my fault they have to be this way. So. I guess I need to go back and apologize to them. Let 'em pound me a few times, who knows. Maybe they'll be more ready than I am to deal with this. Farewell, Jusenkyo. I'm going home, and I'll deal with their spite."  
  
And with that, he picked up his backpack and walked away. 


	2. RyoChan's piece is f'n' huge, Sorry! It'...

Ryoga's Piece is f'in' huge, sorry, IT'S NOT MY FAULT!!!  
  
The moon was waning but still in the phase of full. Nighttime. Ryoga walks into a strange parking lot, holding a bag in one hand. It says "Food Lion, Please recycle", and has the familiar lion-in-a-box motif and a small triangle of arrows surrounding a small Earth, mostly the Western Hemisphere.  
  
"Now where the hell am I?" he moans in Japanese, using his one thumb to flip through the small atlas he holds in the other hand.  
  
Several people look at him, laughing. He trips over a shopping cart, too absorbed in his map to look at where he walks.  
  
"Hey!" the boy who was behind it yells as man, cart and boy spill out on the ground.  
  
Ryoga looks up, apologizing sincerely. The boy looks at him in shock.  
  
"Look buddy, speak English! Better yet, go talk to someone else!" The boy scoffs, then picks up some of his groceries. "Damn, my eggs are ruined, Mom's gonna have a cow! And all the glass cans, too! Oh shit, the bread's all smooshed! I hope you can pay for all this, mister!"  
  
Ryoga blinks. "G-" He shakes his head, smiling softly. "English," he whispered softly. He looked up at the boy. "I- I apologize. You speak English. Is this America?"  
  
The boy stares a while, then replies, "You aren't from around here, are you?"  
  
"No, I come from Japan." As an after thought, he added, "Am I still there?"  
  
"Get out of town, man!" the boy explains.  
  
"Um. Okay. Please tell me how I may do so."  
  
The boy laughs, then grabs his hand. "Help me put these up. We'll go for burgers."  
  
"Am I still in Japan, and if I am not, could you please tell me how to leave the area?"  
  
"Dude, nobody in America talks like that. You must be foreign. I'll teach you, you've got the vocab down well enough."  
  
"D-Demo.!" Ryoga protests before being dragged to a blue Dodge Durango. 


	3. NekoChan and Dim Sum

Neko chan and Dim Sum  
  
The Cat Café in Tokyo usually was a place for Japanese people to have real Chinese cuisine, but today the place was closed to all but the family that owned it, a few friends from China, and the Jusenkyo guide.  
  
"I have some very tragic news for you," the guide warned in Chinese.  
  
"What can you possible say that would be news? After all the people who've been cursed, the Pantyhose affair, that whole ordeal with Saffron, Ranma running off to Jusenkyo-" Mousse started.  
  
"Ah! Ranma! How is he, anyway? He hasn't been hurt, has he?" Shampoo interrupted, excited at hearing her fiancé's name.  
  
Cologne scoffed. "It could be much worse than that. In his desperation to find the Nanniichuan, he could have jumped into every spring he came across, and received an even worse curse."  
  
"True, Ranma never was very bright." Mousse replied. "He might even have fallen into the same one Ryoga fell into- And have been eaten by now."  
  
"Aiyaa! Not my Ranma!" Shampoo yelled.  
  
"Or worse, he could have fallen into a spring with a truly horrendous curse!" Mousse added.  
  
"Yes. I remember you telling me about the 'cursed' springs, the truly tragic ones. Now, what were they? Spring of drowned ant, that was one, then there was the spring of drowned fish, what an odd death that must have been, and the spring of drowned earthworm. But what was that one that was truly horrifying? The one that always made even me tremble in fear of falling into it?" Cologne asked out of spirit.  
  
"It was the spring of drowned mushroom. You were terrified of that one. Not that I could blame you. It's a very, very tragic tale. It started with a mushroom spore growing underwater, but later drowning of too much water. Now, whoever falls in the spring turns into a mushroom, then quickly drowns of over watering before anyone even knows. It's a terrifying way to die, everyone thinking your body had just vanished when you really just drowned in front of them."  
  
"A mushroom.!" Everyone in the room whispers in fear, shaking.  
  
Shampoo leapt onto a table. "No! If my Ranma has drowned so terribly, I'll go myself and give him the burial service he deserves!"  
  
"Even he did not deserve to die so horribly!" Mousse yelled in agreement. "Let's go remember him as the cocky little gender-switching pervert we knew and respected, the way he'd want us to remember him!"  
  
And all of the room's occupants, save the guide who was confused and Shampoo who was mad at her fiancé being considered a pervert, cheered in agreement. Then, after planning the burial, with the guide murmuring in confusion, they all went home to pack.  
  
"But," the guide said after they all left, "Ranma had nothing to do with it!" 


	4. Anthony Tony Gets Hibiki PChan Ryoga

Anthony "Tony" Gets Ryoga "P-Chan" Hibiki  
  
Ryoga stared at the cheeseburger some more. The boy smacked his forehead. "Okay, man, you don't look at it. It's a cheeseburger. Eat the damn thing already."  
  
"I have never had one before."  
  
"I've! I have is long for I've! You got to learn English contractions."  
  
"I believe you mean 'I must learn'-"  
  
"No, no, no! Americans don't use correct grammar!"  
  
"Do not, but it should be 'use improper'-"  
  
"Ehnt! Wrong! I live here, I know! We should speak it properly, yeah, but we don't! That's one of the many things that separates us from the U.K., y'know?"  
  
"Y'know? Should it not be-"  
  
"Shouldn't it be, and you don't have to say the 'oo' part there. Jus' 'Yuh'."  
  
"Y'know. Shouldn't. I've. This is tricky."  
  
"Yep. Eat your burger."  
  
"It is a cheeseburger."  
  
"Nah, it's, (that would be one of those contractions, pal, you're, you are, going to have to start making notes on this,) a burger. Anything shaped like that's a burger. Ham, cheese, bacon and cheese, mozzarella- swiss, veggie, don't matter- What the hell are you drawing on that napkin?"  
  
"I am- I'm taking notes."  
  
"With a paintbrush? Here, ballpoint pen, welcome to America. Funny, it says 'Made in Japan'."  
  
"I like calligraphy."  
  
"With a paintbrush?" Ryoga shrugged.  
  
The boy laughs. "If you don't eat that burger, I will."  
  
Ryoga picked it up and took a bite. "Hey, this is good."  
  
"Yep! That'sa Burger! makes the best hamburgers in America."  
  
"That'sa?"  
  
"That is a. But it's improper on purpose."  
  
"That'sa." He made a few more strokes on his napkin. "To think, I was top of my school district in English class! Of course, I was a little poor at everything else."  
  
"Top? And you don't even know slang?"  
  
"I know some."  
  
"Boy, are you gonna learn!"  
  
"Gonna.?"  
  
"Going to, Goin' to, Goin' ta, Gon' ta, Gonna."  
  
"So there is a method to the madness, after all." And he made a few more notes, eating his burger as he did so.  
  
* * *  
  
"It's, it'sa, he's, she's, we're, we'll, he'll, she'll, I'll. Wow, this is really tricky. This's, no, that does not, doesn't!, work."  
  
"Hey, dude, you've been pouring over that for half an hour. You don't have to cram it all in now."  
  
"Sh!" Ryoga took a sip of soda and kept going, muttering the contractions of 'have'.  
  
"Fine, dude, whatever. But, jeez, you're obsessed now. Can you even read English?"  
  
"I know the letters, but not how to say them aloud, so. Sort of."  
  
"Okay, we're gonna learn reading now. You can speak well enough. Then we can work on slang, then accent. You sound Asian still. Can't say 'l' and 'b' right, trouble with consonants at the end of words."  
  
"Hmm." Ryoga took another bite.  
  
"'Kay, you can come home with me. I'll tell my Mom I took a foreign exchange student over summer for extra credit. My name's Tony, by the way. Tony Gets. And yours?"  
  
"I'm Hibiki Ryoga."  
  
"Hibiki? What kind of name is that?"  
  
"Family name. Sorry, Americans do names backwards. I'm Ryoga."  
  
"Again, what the hell does that mean?"  
  
Ryoga didn't even look up as he bit into his cheeseburger. "Fang. Plural, sorry, Fangs."  
  
"You're telling me your parents named you 'fangs'?"  
  
"Uh-huh," he said calmly as he slurped his soda.  
  
"Why? I mean, what kind of crazy-" Ryoga interrupted by shoving a fry in Tony's mouth, than used his other hand to open his and point at them.  
  
"Moh," Tony said around the fry.  
  
Ryoga smiled. "No problem." And the two of them laughed at the stupidity of it all. 


	5. I once had three and now have none

I once had three, and now have none  
  
"The Tendo Dojo." Ranma whispered. He gulped. His father would demand to know what had happened, if he'd found the spring. Soun Tendo would force him to explain himself, why he'd left his daughter alone. Kasumi was okay, she wouldn't bother him much, but Nabiki would beg for stuff. And Akane.  
  
She was probably married by now. If it was Ryoga, he wouldn't mind- on second thought, he would. Now, if it were Kuno.! Or even worse, Gosunkugi.!  
  
Ranma shivers as he imagines little Gosunkugi look-alike children.  
  
"No! I won't let it happen!" he yelled. Ranma sits down, thinking.  
  
"But maybe. It already has. I mean, she's 19 now. She can make her own choices."  
  
Ranma stood back up.  
  
"I can't see it, no matter the outcome. I'd check on Shampoo, but by now she switched over to Mousse. And Ukyo might have even found a guy! I guess that means I'm out of fiancés." He blinked.  
  
"No more fiancés!" Ranma cheered, running down the street and breaking into song and dance.  
  
"Let's see. Kodachi wouldn't have a man yet, but even if she is pretty, she's an absolute last resort. All those girls from school. Haha! There are thousands of choices available for me!!!"  
  
Ranma was playing so hard that in his jubilation he didn't even notice the old woman had splashed water on him. He still jumped around in glee, however, but where people had once been noticing a young man leaping around with a heavy backpack they now saw a young woman leap about.  
  
"Man, I'm hungry." Ranma muttered as he landed. "I know, I'll go to Ucchan's!"  
  
He smiled, wondering if she'd even recognize him. After all, he'd changed the hair tie. He still had to keep it on, or he'd never get it to stop growing, but he'd merely tied it in the same spot so it was now a ponytail, a bit longer than it had been too.  
  
"I wonder if Ucchan's still here?" Regardless, he skipped down the street as he thought about the thing he had loved most as a kid- Ucchan's okonomiyaki. Seeing his old friend would be good too, but nowhere near the memory of the pastry. 


	6. Duck cat man woman ghoul

Duck, cat, man, woman, ghoul  
  
The Cat Café was bursting with people packing, and everyone was trying to decide how to honor Ranma. Crimination was out, of course, and burial would be tricky. Finally, the group decided he was to be buried at sea, as he did drown. And where, they decided, would be more fitting than Jusenkyo, where his life took so devastating a turning point. Indeed, they decided upon reflection, none of them would ever have even met Ranma if it weren't for the cursed springs, and the complications therein. And they all took a solemn vow to never eat another mushroom in honor of Ranma's brave, yet rather silly as they reflected on it, death.  
  
Mousse smiled. It would all be perfect. Right after he'd said a few great, i.e. made up, things about Ranma, he'd console Shampoo as she cried over his tragic, yet asinine, death.  
  
Shampoo was already crying. She was too proud to embarrass herself in front of Ranma's grave, so she would get all the tears out now. She was planning her piece to say, about their love, i.e. hers unrequited, his kindness, i.e. her entrapments and him trying to sneak out of them, and his happy-go-lucky personality, i.e. his happy-go-lucky personality.  
  
Cologne smiled as she walked by Shampoo, packing her suitcase. "Well, now you're the strongest warrior in the village again."  
  
"That's true. Thank you, great-grandmother, I feel a little better now."  
  
The three of them started to leave, but the guide ran to them.  
  
"Wait! The boy never turned into a mushroom! He checked every spring by throwing rats into them. Except for the spring of drowned rat, of course. He double-checked that one. But I have something far more terrible to tell you!"  
  
"Ha! Ranma wasn't smart enough to test one pool, let alone all of them!" Mousse laughed.  
  
Shampoo hit him. "You mean he didn't drown in Jusenkyo? Then where did he drown?"  
  
"No, he never drowned, he-"  
  
"No! He was killed! Was it Ryoga?" Shampoo wailed.  
  
"Impossible, Ryoga wasn't near skilled enough to best Son-in-law. Perhaps that underwear boy.?"  
  
"Pantyhose?! Never! Ranma beat him, no problem!"  
  
"Then, who?"  
  
"Saffron, Herb, Lime or Mint would be my bet."  
  
"No, no one killed him, he-"  
  
"Then, he was buried under rocks?"  
  
"I knew it, Ryoga killed him!"  
  
"What a horrible way to die!"  
  
"No, Ranma is still alive!" the guide yelled.  
  
The others stare at him. "Oh. Great. Just what I needed." Mousse muttered.  
  
"He's alive?!"  
  
"Hmph. Well, I guess we should never jump to conclusions." Cologne replied.  
  
"What I have to say is far, far worse than Ranma's death!"  
  
And indeed, it was. 


	7. I think I'm turning American Err, wait, ...

I think I'm turning American- Err, wait.  
  
(One week later.)  
  
"So, think you crammed enough US-Pop Culture into you so you can fool everyone?" Tony teased.  
  
Ryoga smiled. "Actually, I think I did. What, you wanna test that?"  
  
"I dunno. Real world's tougher than I am, I'm 'spousta to teach you. Teachers must ignore a student's follies, after all."  
  
"Yeah, right! Try me, I can fool anyone! Your mom didn't even believe I wasn't American, and I spoke much worse then!"  
  
"You think a week-long crash course works? You can hardly read English!"  
  
"Hah! I can read it pretty damn well now, I'm jus' bad at spelling!"  
  
"Half the Americans I know- and that includes me- can't spell. There's things that give you away, Ryo."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"For one thing, you still write with that paintbrush."  
  
"I just don't like pens! Any other American'd fall for it!"  
  
"Bet you twenty bucks!"  
  
"You're on! .Wait, all I got is Yen."  
  
"I've already won."  
  
* * *  
  
After Ryoga changed his money, they hit the mall. First, they both threw the amount promised on the seat of the Dodge. Both of them smirked knowingly at each other.  
  
As they went in, the metal alarm went off. "What do you have to declare?" the burly security guard asked.  
  
"Sorry, 9-1-1 problems. Gotta check all your stuff as you go in." To demonstrate, Tony pulled out a pocket knife and a set of keys. "These guys get all your metal. Those guys'll take your backpack and triple-check it, then keep it so you can't shoplift."  
  
Ryoga nodded. "I don't have metal. Do you need weapons, though?"  
  
The guard grinned. "As if you have any weapons that aren't metal."  
  
Ryoga grinned back, taking off his belt. "Here, and here," he added, handing over a large stack of bandanas.  
  
"Hey, kid, how did you put all of these on at once?"  
  
"Just got skill, I guess," Ryoga teased as he walked past.  
  
"Kid, come back here! Show me how you can consider this a weapon!" The guard held up one of the bandanas. "At least the belt makes a little sense, but-"  
  
Ryoga calmly took it from him. "Watch and learn," he whispered as he threw it at one of the metal support posts.  
  
It cut cleanly enough that the beams didn't fall, just split evenly and slid apart slightly. Tony blinked. Ryoga never mentioned anything like this.  
  
"Well, I'll just go declare my pack, but you can have it. I have plenty, y'know."  
  
And the guard just stood there as he put his bag down on the counter.  
  
The lady behind the counter opened it immediately. "What's in here?"  
  
"Food, water, a tent, a change of clothes, a lamp, some batteries. Camping stuff."  
  
"Uh-huh. Like I believe that."  
  
"No, really. I live out of that tent."  
  
"Sure. And these cans? Water? I think not! 'Mizu' sounds like some new foreign beer!"  
  
"Actually, it's just water." He opened up a can and handed it to her. "See?"  
  
"And these, I suppose you have some smart ass excuse.?"  
  
"Cup o' Noodles. Miso and Pork flavors. Help yourself. And yes, that's a tent. And those are clothes, and a shaving kit, and a flashlight, and-"  
  
"Aerosol cans, glass and metal, spikes, razors."  
  
"It's tent poles and a shaving kit! Don't get paranoid! You can even keep the sack until I come out, if you're so concerned." She didn't get a chance to protest as he walked away.  
  
Ryoga pulled Tony over as they walked passed. "Are all you Americans so paranoid?"  
  
"Just mall rent-a-cops. Check it out, they got That'sa Burger now!"  
  
Ryoga turned to go, but Tony ran off in the other direction. 'Fooled him! He'd never make it with out me, so that forty bucks is mine!' 


	8. Vancover

A short break in Vancouver  
  
The news was still on the television, even though no one was home. The house had the look of a place recently emptied.  
  
The dog flap lifted up, and a man crawled inside. He was clothed only in a long sweater and a thick necklace with an odd charm. The man continued crawling on all fours, making his way into the kitchen. When he got there, he walked into the corner, found the water bowl the people had left out for their dog, and started lapping it up.  
  
"We repeat, there is a crazed magician with a spell that turns everything it touches into either a penguin, a gorilla, a water buffalo or a grown man. Please take all necessary precautions." And the three penguins huddled in the corner agreed silently.  
  
Outside, a young Asian man snickered. "I turn them into penguin! But I mean to turn them to water buffalo. Something go wrong here, I go fix and make them buffalo."  
  
And with that, he threw some hot water bottles inside, after pulling out the stopper. "I make you all into buffalo!" he yelled, giggling hysterically. He threw more water inside, then ran off.  
  
"I make you all better! You see? Now you no longer penguin, you all better!" 


	9. MallRats

Mall Rats- My apologies to Kevin Smith  
  
"Tony? Tony? Where the hell are you?" Ryoga yelled, running through the food court. "Hey, you can't just leave me here! Hey!"  
  
Tony looked out from behind a pillar. 'You can't be serious! He's that hopeless? If he doesn't talk to anyone, I'll never win! I know!' He grabbed a random girl and pulled her aside.  
  
"Hi. I need you to do me a favor. Can you just go to that guy in black and talk to him for a bit? I just wanna pull a prank on him, and I think a stranger flirting with him will mess him up well enough."  
  
"I guess I could talk to him."  
  
"Sure! If you really wanna mess with him, though. Maybe you two can share a meal? Just something quick. I'll pay you, and for the meal, too, just please say you'll do it?"  
  
She nodded. "Sounds like fun. But I'm not going home with him or anything. Just a quick lunch and conversation."  
  
Tony grinned. "That's all I'm asking for." And he reached for his wallet.  
  
* * *  
  
Ryoga was desperate by now, frightened beyond a doubt.  
  
But then, things changed. Fast.  
  
A girl ran up to him then. "Hi! My name's Carla. Wanna go with me to the Cyber Café?"  
  
Ryoga looked up, turned his head to search for someone else, then pointed carefully at himself. "Of course you. Who else?"  
  
"Bu-bu-bu-?"  
  
"You don't have to come."  
  
"No, wait, it's just- Um. I might not have enough money." He searched his pockets carefully. "About. 70 bucks. How much does it cost?"  
  
Carla thought a moment. "Actually, that's a little more. It's about twenty an hour, and food's expensive."  
  
Ryoga smiled. "Re-really? You'll let me come?"  
  
"Well, you're paying."  
  
And so they went. 


	10. Ucchan's, First Scene

Ucchan's, first scene  
  
Ranma was surprised that Ucchan's was still up. He went in, careful to not let her know who he really was.  
  
"Hi! Welcome to Ucchan's!" she cheerfully called from behind the grill.  
  
"Thanks! One here, please!" He smiled as he sat down at the grill. She started to throw the noodles down.  
  
"How have things been around here?"  
  
"Oh, new in town?"  
  
"Well, I used to live here. Kinda missed it, so I came back."  
  
"Really? Then you might remember a few years back?" She nodded, smiling. Ukyo continued, "Things haven't really gotten less crazy, but Ranma left, and the Kuno family went to France for a few months- They should be back soon. Ryoga's been missing for a while now, but that's no surprise. So I guess it's a little calmer, but that can change real soon. There's a lot of fighting when all the guys are here. It's like the battle royale for who gets to marry who."  
  
"Who's winning so far?"  
  
"Depends. I guess you could say Kuno's the one who's gaining the most, but Ryoga beats him every time, he just objects to taking Akane as a prize. Then there's Ranma. Everyone claims he's the one who's winning, but no one's seen him in three years."  
  
"So. He's winning with out even fighting?"  
  
"Basically. The belief is that Akane should get the final choice, right? And no one's asked her yet- Except Kuno, of course."  
  
"Ah. So that's why you say Kuno's winning even if he isn't the top fighter. He's the only one with the guts to ask her out."  
  
"Most of them try, but they can't win."  
  
"So Akane's not married. How about you?"  
  
"Still waiting to decide myself. Ranma's been away, so I don't think it's fair to just switch. I feel I need to tell him at least."  
  
"Oh. I'm sure he wouldn't mind."  
  
Ukyo pushed him the okonomiyaki. "Are you kidding? I'm the cute fiancé. I'm sure he'd be upset about it."  
  
Ranma laughed. "So you're both still single. Saotome's not gonna like that."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"Only that I think he'd rather be single." Ranma started to eat. "I met him, y'know. That's how come I came back. To see how he'd messed this place up after he left. Seems to be the same."  
  
"In some ways it's worse, in some it's much better."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"People have stopped fighting each other for no reason, with the exception of the Royale. But there are those of us who miss him. Akane, myself, Shampoo, Kodachi. Then there's the perverts from school who miss how he'd turn into a girl. Kuno, except he hates the male half. And of course Happosai."  
  
Ranma shivered at the memory.  
  
"But the guys- Ryoga, Mousse, even Pantyhose when he's in town. They have the weirdest reaction. They're. Waiting."  
  
"What, waiting to kill him?"  
  
"No. Waiting for him to come back."  
  
"Why, to kill him?"  
  
"To. Who knows what? As much as they fought, I know for a fact they've all been depressed since he left. Like a best friend died or something. Even like they'd lost a little brother."  
  
"Hah! Are you saying they thought of Ranma like a kid brother? Ryoga's younger than him! Not much, but hey. A month's a month. And Mousse? Mousse thought he was a girl half the time!"  
  
Ukyo shrugged. "That's how it goes."  
  
Ranma scoffed, taking another bite. "What does Akane want?" he asked.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"Akane. What does she want? Does she want Ranma to come back or what?"  
  
She shrugged. "Who knows. I think she wants him to come back so she can decide once and for all."  
  
Ranma nodded. "Oh." He paid her, then stood up.  
  
'Maybe that's for the best.' 


	11. Newsbreak Meet Dave

Newsbreak: Meet Dave  
  
Ryoga and Carla sat down at the table, turning on the computer.  
  
Carla pushed her chair in front of it. "Do you want to get the food or should I?"  
  
"Maybe it's better if you do it." He stayed in his seat.  
  
"Okay, I'll go get it. Can I have the money?" He nodded, handing it over.  
  
'Damn, American girls act fast! She's not shy at all!' He looked at the screen.  
  
Newsbreak-  
  
In Vancouver, Canada, there have been random outbreaks of people turning into animals. As of now, the people of the world are to look out for this man:  
  
The picture was of a young Asian man with sunglasses. The article continued.  
  
The confusion is also now being reported in China. Many suspect he may be headed to a random city in America.  
  
Carla came back. "Isn't that sick? I heard it on the news this morning. Weird, huh, how people are just allowed to practice voodoo crap like that."  
  
Ryoga wasn't listening to her. He clicked 'Print', then chose the 'Read in other languages: Japanese' button and printed that too.  
  
"Shit." he muttered as he read it.  
  
"Can you read that?" Carla asked.  
  
"Uh?! N-no, I just wanted to learn how. That's why I printed both." Which was half-true.  
  
"You can find the craziest stuff online, huh?" Carla added. Ryoga nodded, typing in 'Jusenkyo Springs' in the search caption.  
  
The site came up, but it was in Chinese. "How do I translate this?"  
  
"Um. Hit this button. If the option's available, you can change it around. He tried it. She went up for the drinks.  
  
"Japanese." he mumbled, clicking it. The page reloaded.  
  
Registered Guests: New! Curses!  
  
Map of Springs  
  
Saotome's Daily Log: New!  
  
A History of the Springs  
  
Tragic Tales of Springs  
  
He clicked the curses slot. Sure enough, it brought up a page of pictures, ages when cursed, what they turned into with a picture to identify them, their home addresses and a short history of each person and how they were cursed.  
  
His picture. Damn it all. Damn it all to friggin' hell. But it was there, from distinguishing characteristics to his poor sense of direction, how Ranma pushed him in the pool by accident, his home address.  
  
He found a piece of paper and wrote it down in case he ever needed a taxi.  
  
Damn! Even his parents' names and occupations!  
  
Carla came back. "Hey, that's you." He nodded. "Yeah. It was some contest thing they had in one town I lived in."  
  
"They're all Asian," she noticed as she scrolled up and down the page. "What was it for?"  
  
He shrugged. "Oh, I'm not really sure. Basically, they grabbed all these people of different minority groups and took their pictures, asked a few questions, and told us they'd let us know if we'd won." He scrolled back up to his. "I can't really read this too well, but I know what the pictures mean."  
  
"What?"  
  
"The contest was what we were most likely to be."  
  
"And they picked a pig for you?" she laughed.  
  
"Well, the voting was a little slanted. And hey, it's just a game. I mean, look at this guy, he ended up as a girl."  
  
"Does this site come in English?"  
  
Ryoga shook his head no. "But if you can read Chinese."  
  
"No."  
  
"Then we're equal," he said calmly, printing up the pages. He hit all the links around the site, printing them all.  
  
"Are you gong to try and translate them or something?"  
  
"Yeah, sort of. I need to buy a dictionary first. Let's eat, then can you take me to the bookstore?"  
  
"Sure, I guess. But you never did tell me- What's your name?"  
  
"My name? It's. Er." He looked around, searching. He saw the famous 'Dave Thomas Memorial Banner' from Wendy's and replied, "It's Dave. Dave Hibiki."  
  
-Note- It was the most logical name from a restaurant besides Ronald McDonald and Colonel Sanders, both of whom aren't represented by big posters with names. Besides, Dave used to be cool. I can promise 100% it has nothing to do with the fact that my brother who asked me to write this name's Dave, it's just a coincidence I noticed as I typed in the second 'I' in 'Hibiki'.  
  
No, it has nothing to do with the fact that my Dad's name is Dave, either. .Both my dads'.-End note-  
  
"Dave, huh?" Ryoga shrugged.  
  
"Doesn't go well with the family name, huh?"  
  
Carla laughed. "No, it doesn't. So, is your family from Japan or China?"  
  
"My father's from Japan, I take after him. My mom's from, um." Again he looked around, this time spotting KFC. ".Kentucky," he lied. "I've never been to either, though."  
  
"Wow! Can you speak any?"  
  
"Not much. Some useful stuff. 'Hi'. 'Bye'. 'Thanks'. I'll kill you, pervert'. 'Hey, I'm American'. 'Is that Ramen or soba?' 'What time is it?' You know, simple things."  
  
"'I'll kill you, pervert'?"  
  
"My dad used to yell it at the mailman. I never really wanted to learn. I like it here in Hershey."  
  
"But you're new in town."  
  
"Yeah, just moved from. Mexico," he said in response to the 'Special! Mexican Pizza 99¢!' ad next to Taco Cabaña.  
  
"Oh? And you don't know Spanish?" Ryoga blushed.  
  
'Damn these lies! But I wanted this. I want her to think I'm American.'  
  
"None at all. English is tough enough. Took written languages in school to pass."  
  
"How long were you there?"  
  
"Two weeks," he admitted. He'd meant to find the corner store for some dog food, but ended up with some odd meat he didn't want to touch, let alone take back home and feed to his pets.  
  
"Dad in the military?"  
  
He nodded, gathering all his printed pages. "Let's go get that dictionary."  
  
"Wait, if you're not interested in learning to speak it, why do you want to write it?"  
  
"Codes. You know, leave messages no one can read." She nodded. "Useful. Why not some other one, though?" "Well. I gotta admit, I do kinda wanna read some of my dad's books and shit." he lied again, finding it was coming along pretty easily with all the signs and t-shirts he could read and make up a story with. 


	12. The truth about the Battle Royale

Disclaimer for this chapter- I realize that Rho Shintoyoki might be a bit difficult to understand, but if you get stuck just read his lines out loud. The dialogue is written phonetically, and Rho has a very odd accent.  
  
And yes, Zuu is meant to be that insane. You have seen nothing.  
  
The truth about the Battle Royale.  
  
"Another contest is about to start! Round 47 of trial 52, Nasukura Tetsuya and Chiko Hatsumi!" the loudspeaker announced.  
  
Ranma stood confused as people evacuated the street.  
  
Two young men walked in, glaring at each other. The loudspeaker yelled, "FIGHT!" and they were off.  
  
Ranma just watched as the two men helplessly battled for apparently no reason. "Round 47 of trial 52?" she repeated.  
  
The people nodded as they watched. "Of the Battle Royale."  
  
"For Akane Tendo, right?" Ranma sneered. "Pathetic. They can probably do much better."  
  
"Yes. But that's not the only prize, of course."  
  
"Huh?" Ranma hadn't heard this.  
  
"There's a lot at stake. Not only does the winner get his choice of a Tendo sister, he also gets their dojo, their house, they become the heir to Happosai's abilities, they gain a lot of money-"  
  
"From who?"  
  
"Prize money. You have to pay to enter. You get a year's supply of food from about three different restaurants, a free trip to China, and such high prestige!"  
  
"China's not so great." Ranma muttered. He couldn't find one pool after three years of hard searching, and that would scar forever.  
  
"Too bad it's men only," one woman sighed. "All that money."  
  
"It can't be whole lot," Ranma sneered.  
  
"¥25000 to enter. Take away about ¥10000 to cover expenses, that leaves ¥15000 a head. And note, this is Round 47 of trial 52."  
  
"They've had 52 trials and no actual matches?"  
  
"Unless you count the time that Hibiki kid punched Kuno, but they've never had a match-up together in a trial, so no."  
  
"Weird. There hasn't been a single match?"  
  
"Yep. And it costs the same every trial, so if some one loses they can just come back and try again. The actual rounds are supposed to be ¥100000 to enter, if you made it in."  
  
"It doesn't seem like a fight to me. Who's in charge? Nabiki?"  
  
"No- No one really knows, actually."  
  
Ranma glared. "Really?"  
  
One boy knocked the other out. His name immediately appeared on a list of names that was strung up in midair, in the 52nd slot. The list showed the current prize pot and favorable betting odds so far. Ranma read the list, surprised.  
  
"They actually predict better odds for Kuno to win than Ryoga? And who's this Len guy? They have him as favorite to win."  
  
"Len? He's just some kid. But.You didn't see him fight. No one knows, really. But they say there's some hidden meaning to this whole thing. Like."  
  
"Like what?" he probed.  
  
A new voice behind them, heavily accented, replied, "Li dey wanna jus fin out who d bes fightas en dis area re. Li dey av some ulteriaa motive."  
  
Ranma turned around. "Who are you?"  
  
"Jus don' worry bout dat. I'm lookin fo someone."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Whoevr's in charge a dis ting." The newcomer pointed his finger at the list. "Dat ain' normal, how d lettaas jus stay up dere."  
  
Ranma looked at him, in case he ever needed to identify him. He had sunglasses, long black hair, a deeply tanned complexion that looked too dark to be Asian but to creamy to be anything naturally darker. But he also looked like he didn't like sunlight, with his clothes tied long, a hood pulled up, and the sunglasses. His hair had silver streaks dyed- but what must have been an expensive and excruciatingly realistic dye job. He also had six earrings, three in each ear, placed alternating- i.e., one ear had two in the top and one in the lobe, while the other had the reverse. His had rounded, soft features- pretty, but in an incredibly familiar way. Like he'd seen him before, but he knew full well he'd never done that.  
  
Because as odd as he looked, it was nothing compared to how he looked at you. Like he knew every private thought. Like you were so much loose matter, and that he could see straight through it and see the hidden secrets within. Like he was above you.  
  
And that you knew he was above you. And that you also knew that whether you lived or died, whether you were to be placed as important or useless, cast aside or held aloft, it was all his idea.  
  
And he could decide that at any moment.  
  
All you could do was hope he didn't. Hope he ignored your fear, a fear he could see easily.  
  
Ranma was beginning to feel uncomfortable when a new voice piped up, "'Ey, Rho! This is what I meant when I asked for Yakitori!" A new boy, maybe 19, leapt up into the other boy's face and held up the shish-kabob. "See, it's got octopus and radishes and seaweed puffs and-"  
  
"Zuunni," the man growled. The boy reared back.  
  
"Shit. You even rolled the 'u' too long there. It's pronounced 'Zu-u- n Ni', not 'Zoo-oo-n Ni. One sweet little 'oo' roll there, not two consecutive. And usually people just cut it too short. I'm really impressed, I never thought anyone would get it wrong like that, it's almost quiescent-"  
  
"Zuunni," he said again, wrong.  
  
"Yeah, Rho-Sa-a-ama?" he cooed, stretching the 'a' obnoxiously.  
  
"Shut up, boy." The boy smiled.  
  
"It's 'Zûnni.' 'Zooooon- Ni' Not 'Zoo-oo-n.' I jus wanted you to say my name right for once. Try this Yakitori." Zunni held up the stick, and Rho took it, bit the stick in two, swallowed, then slammed it through Zunni's wrist-  
  
Or, Ranma noted, should have slammed it through. The impact would have gone through his, easily.  
  
"Good, huh?" Zunni smiled. The stick was dented into his wrist, right on a blood vessel. But it was barely poking in, and the boy didn't even notice. He wasn't even bleeding.  
  
"Damn," Ranma whispered.  
  
"Want another?" Zunni asked casually.  
  
"Yeah, actually. Get a few dozen, I'll try t figure out how t make dem."  
  
"Cool. And, hey, that Nindi Spike Flare wasn't cool. You want to get us exposed?"  
  
"It's not near as quick as yer mouth. Where's Carlos, d locals c'n hardly undaastan me."  
  
"Aw, com'on! Japanese is easy! Now, English, that's hard. And Mandarin. Damn. Toby tried to teach me once, and I got so fucked up with it, I don't know how he ever caught it. And of course, he speaks Cantonese and Taiwanese too, perfectly, damn that boy."  
  
"It's not hard, s dat dey hardly undaastan me. Now go."  
  
"Oi, com'on! It's my language, let me translate, please?"  
  
"Yer from Okinawa, not Tokyo."  
  
"An' they understand me better 'Dan dey undaastan ya'."  
  
"Shut up, boy."  
  
"Das Zunni, Rho-Sama. Not 'boy', I'm abou as ol' as ya re."  
  
"Stop imitatin' me."  
  
"Stop imitatin' me, stop imitatin' me! You're like a child. A lost, lonely child. Rice cake?" Zunni offered. Rho smacked it away. "We ave work."  
  
"Yeah- An' we can do it while enjoying the local cuisine. This is my country, come on and enjoy it."  
  
"Where d hell s Carlos?"  
  
"Boise. Now, will you eat the rice cake?"  
  
Rho growled. "Take off your hood, man, put the cloak on."  
  
"I feel stupid wit ii. N naked wit out d hood. Next yer gonna wan me t take off d glasses."  
  
"Cloaks, man, cloaks! You stick out like a poorly written villain in a cheap comic book. Do you want to look like something out of one of Zuu- Kun's comic books?"  
  
Rho casually lifted a hand to his neck and threw off the hood. His fingers slid on his neck, so Ranma barely had time to see the spiky black and silver hair before he changed, his hair growing shorter, skin more pale, and no silver streaks. Ranma wasn't sure if he'd imagined what he just saw or not.  
  
Zunni smiled. "Much better! Now take off the glasses."  
  
"No."  
  
"Take off the damn glasses."  
  
"Ya might as well ask me t remove my hood."  
  
"Good call. Do it."  
  
"Bu I'm not comfortable en d clothes unda ii," Rho complained.  
  
"Dammit, Rho, listen to me! Who's the specialist here? Huh?" Zuu pulled a small cylinder from his pocket, flipping its three panels- the outer left one to the left, the outer right panel to the right, pulling them both out then pushing them back in hard. A 150 cm metal staff appeared in his hand where the five cm stick had been. In the time it took him to get the stick out, flip it and swing it up into a proper position, only enough time for Ranma to see it and recognize it had passed.  
  
Had Zunni tried to attack him, he would have failed to dodge it completely.  
  
"Who's got the weapon here, huh?" Rho was starting to reach for his own pockets, but Zunni twapped him.  
  
"I'm faster, damn you. Not as strong, but your main advantages don't work on me. You can't read me unless I open up to you. And only what I open up to you. That's how come you never knew it was me. And your speed is canceled out by mine. Yeah, you're better at aerial, but who's got the better reach with their weapon?"  
  
Rho scoffed, but took off the hooded cloak. "Atta boy, Rho-Sama."  
  
Ranma grabbed the staff. "Let me see this."  
  
"Hey! That's mine!" Zunni pulled on the end he held, and Ranma fell off balance.  
  
"Hey. It's a girl. Kinda pretty, but I like Oni gals. Green skin and fangs, yaiiii!"  
  
"Boy."  
  
"From what I saw, you outta give him some respect. His name's not 'boy', it's 'Zûnni'. And he's pretty tough at martial arts."  
  
"We're gonna enter this tournament! We gotta see what it's about, and that prize money can buy a lot of taikôban."  
  
"Zunni!"  
  
"Comics, comics, comics!" he sang in English, softly. "Manga wa aishitare!"  
  
"Oh, shut up," Ranma and Rho said at the same time. 


	13. Tony's Back Poor RyoChan!

Tony's back- Poor Ryo-Chan!  
  
"God, Dave, you are soooo cool!" Carla cooed. Ryoga blushed and turned away. "Not really. It's just a game." He put in the card key again to demonstrate. "Come here, it's easy."  
  
"There's no way I can do that, Dave!"  
  
"Come on, it's really, really easy." He held out his hand for her to climb up. "Now, watch what I do, and try it." The icon beeped up.  
  
"READY?!" it asked, setting up the VR stage. The room around them grew bluish, and the blue became a 3-D maze. "All you gotta do is try. Com'on, it's real simple. You go first here."  
  
A man jumped from behind a bush, and Carla screamed. "Punch! Just punch at it, it doesn't need to be hard!" Ryoga ordered.  
  
Carla tried, and her hand onscreen showed a woman slapping the thug weakly.  
  
"Okay." Ryoga sighed. "Like this, Carla," he explained, throwing a pulled and simple punch in the air. On screen, the man flew back seven feet. "It's easy."  
  
Carla tried again as another man jumped them. It was as spectacular a failure as her last.  
  
Ryoga did a simple wrist maneuver, catching the fist on screen. He bent it back, then threw the guy back towards the other 'foe'.  
  
They heard the game announce "READY?!" again, and a new player hit the next thug with a rising flip kick.  
  
"Wow, he's really good," Carla declared.  
  
"Turn left here, the maze gets harder if you don't."  
  
"Left?" Ryoga said, holding up both hands to see which made an 'L' and noticing that there were many 'L's if you look at them from the right perspectives, i.e. reversing them, flipping your wrists downward, etc.  
  
-Note- I actually do that. It's one of the main reasons I can't tell left from right. -End Note-  
  
The new guy took off his belt, sighed, and tied their wrists together. "Honestly, a grown man who can't tell left from right." Ryoga barred fangs, but the man didn't notice.  
  
The game went well after Ryoga learned how to get out of the maze and Carla learned that kicking is viable.  
  
The screen faded, first back to blue, then completely.  
  
"That was awesome, Dave!"  
  
Ryoga didn't listen, he just tugged on the belt. "You can take this off now."  
  
"Sorry. That's my favorite game here, so I don't like stragglers in Co-op mode." He took off the belt, and Ryoga looked at him.  
  
"Tony?! Damn you, where have you been?"  
  
"Ryo? Oh, shit, you're still on your date?"  
  
"Who's Ryo?" Carla asked.  
  
"It's going really well, too! She doesn't even suspect a thing!"  
  
"How can she not, Ryo? It's blaringly obvious!"  
  
"Dave, who's Ryo?"  
  
"I am. Now Tony, what's so obvious? Not a thing, not a damned thing!"  
  
Tony picked up his bag. "Hah! A Japanese to English dictionary!"  
  
"He's trying to learn Kanji so he has a code language. Kind of like Morse Code."  
  
"He rolls his 'l's into 'r's!"  
  
"No I don't. Not anymore, at least."  
  
"Don't bull shit a bull shitter."  
  
"Look, I'm glad you're here, she's insane. She took me to a bunch of stores- People sure dress weird here."  
  
"Yeah, speaking of which, let's get you some American clothes, Hibiki."  
  
"Great! But not from any of her stores!"  
  
"Well, depends. Where did she go?"  
  
Ryoga picked up the bags. "Gap, Limited Too, Claire's, Victoria's Secret, Dill-"  
  
"Victoria's Secret?! Why in the HELL would I take you there, Ryo?!"  
  
"Well, it seemed to have clothes. But from what I could tell, it was just, well, you know." He blushed deeply.  
  
"You took a guy you just met in there? Pervert!" Tony yelled at Carla.  
  
"Hey, I wasn't the one picking them up and saying, 'Are you sure you want this kind?' at everything in the store!"  
  
Tony grabbed Ryoga's wrist. "I'm taking you to Hot Topic and Gadzooks. I can't believe you went in there! I thought you were shy, man!"  
  
"We don't have that store back home! They have different names in different countries!"  
  
"Whatever, whatever, you get the point! Jeesh, you pervert."  
  
"Watashi no hentai ja nai!" Ryoga yelled, felling the need to curse him in a foreign tongue and choosing his own.  
  
"I have no idea what the fuck you just said, little man!"  
  
"Whatever, whatever, you understand what I meant! Whaddaya mean I'm a pervert?"  
  
"Sheesh." Tony thought for a moment. "You know what? I think I'm gonna leave you here, and I'll go pick out your clothes." He sat Ryoga down at a pagoda stand and pulled the man behind it aside.  
  
"Just look at the little pictures and see if you like any," Tony told him. "I've got to talk to this guy for a sec."  
  
Tony looked at him, smiled evilly and ordered, "Tranq him and hit him with the basics." Tony slipped him fifty bucks. "This should be enough." He pointed at a nearby store. "Get that guy in, too. Just make it nice, ok? Here's twenty for him," Tony forked over more bills. "I gotta go."  
  
He walked over to Ryoga again. "Like any?"  
  
"Well, I guess they look cool, but what's the point?"  
  
"Which do you think's best suited to you? It's kinda a personality test."  
  
"Oh. That's easy then. The lion."  
  
"Really? I mean, those papers you're holding have that pig thing next to your picture-" Tony pointed at them, and Ryoga pushed them away quickly.  
  
"Don't ask."  
  
"Well, you can pick both, you know."  
  
"A pig and a lion?"  
  
"Why do I get the feeling that combination is your very description?"  
  
"I am not a pig!" Ryoga yelled.  
  
"Nah, you're not. But hey, it seems. I dunno, right somehow."  
  
"Hmph. Fine, if you say so."  
  
"I'm just kidding, pal, the lion's cool. Get that," Tony urged.  
  
"Uh?"  
  
"Don't worry, I set it all up, you'll understand soon."  
  
Ryoga was about to ask "Uh?" again when the tranquilizer was shot into his arm, taking effect almost immediately. 


	14. Close encounters of the Well, it has Zuu...

Close encounters of the. Well, it's got Zuu-Kun.  
  
Ranma stared at the two men as they argued.  
  
"Zunni, where s Carlos, I mean ii!"  
  
"He's. Not here."  
  
"Where s he, den?"  
  
"He's. Around. Sorta."  
  
"Aroun how?"  
  
"He's. Let's jus say he's away."  
  
"Where s 'Away', exactly?"  
  
"Um. Boise."  
  
"Where's dat?"  
  
"Idaho." Zunni looked at Rho with a embarrassed grin, noticed Rho was still confused, and whispered, "It's one of the American States. With the potatoes, y'know? And Vale, the Ski Resort thing? Yeah, um."  
  
"He's en AMERICA?!" Rho exploded. "My only COMPETENT partner s en AMERICA?!"  
  
"Hey, don't diss America, Nevada is fucking awesome! And San Diego- That's where Steve and Nick are from, y'know- That place is so f'in' cool."  
  
"Zunni. My partner s in d odda side o d world."  
  
"Yeah, America's cool. But this is my hometown! Nipponjin Pride!!!" he held up a WWII Japanese headband as proof, tying it on. "Ain't this cool? Got one for Tob, too."  
  
"Ah, yes. Renniaaji d IV. N where s d Prince?"  
  
"Over there. He said he wanted to be alone with Nick."  
  
"Ya lef' 'im alone wit a Daemon?"  
  
"Yeah. Why not? I like Daemons. And Nick's from a good family of 'em, too, the Winfield-Kim clan? He's pretty damn powerful, a strapping young man, and he really does love Toby. And maybe even more important, Tob loves him too. That is why they got married."  
  
"I still don' trust 'im. Renniaaji was s'p'sta marry d Oni princess-"  
  
"Jun Min? My Jun Min? 'Oniko'?"  
  
"She ain' yer wife, Zunni, she s Renniaaji's fiancé-"  
  
"He chose her cousin. He told me himself the first day he didn't like girls. He likes men. Said they were shaped better anyways, he could appreciate it more. And then there was all that shit his father did to him."  
  
"Wha, beat 'im?"  
  
"No, I mean the slave trading, the child porn, the molestation-"  
  
"His father didn'-"  
  
"But he paid women to, is the thing. Toby was kinda raised thinking women were evil. Between the lust and the groping, and yeah, even that his father beat him. Toby ever tell you why?"  
  
"No, no he didn't."  
  
"His dad hated him, and hated how he'd force these girls on him. So Toby'd fight back, right? Keep them from touching him. And well, Reggie didn't like that too much."  
  
"N so he beat 'im. Cha sai aye. No wondaa he li's Nick so much, Nick has problems wit bein' too tough in 'im when dere fuckin' evn."  
  
"Yeah, really. And he really treats him good, no matter what you say. Toby's never been better off. There there are, oh lookatda happy couple!" he cooed.  
  
Nick glared. "Shintoyoki."  
  
"Kim Ni Kwan-â, how are ya? Boy, youse guys look on top a da world."  
  
Toby smiled, clutching Nick's arm. "You were right, bro, Japan's really great! Nick and I have been doing so much, it's wonderful!"  
  
"'So much', eh? Li each odda?"  
  
Nick punched Rho. "Can I please kill him, honey?" he asked Toby.  
  
"No, it's not a good idea. Remember, he owns most of the known galactic clusters."  
  
"Den c'n I kill 'im?" Rho asked, pointing back at Nick.  
  
"I'll kill you first," Toby growled, a soft rolling of Feral Atoni tongues sliding in.  
  
"Hah!" Rho laughed.  
  
"He's faster than I am, Rho," Zuu warned. "You know that. And he's my partner- Up and over, your battle moves as well."  
  
"'I'm not crazy 'cause I take the ri-i-i-ght pills-'" Toby started, singing beautifully.  
  
"'Ev'ry Day!'" Zunni finished. "One of our up and over combos," he explained.  
  
"Ah." Rho allowed. Nick just smiled at Toby.  
  
"So, did you guys enter this fight yet?"  
  
"Nope, not yet. Did you?"  
  
"Yeah, Zuu did. I'm next roun'."  
  
"I won," Zunni said proudly. The others stared.  
  
"Well, duh." Nick muttered.  
  
"Round 43."  
  
Ranma yelped, recognizing. "You're Len!"  
  
"Yep! Zuu-Len!" He pointed at himself, proudly.  
  
"Why would you want to enter this?"  
  
Zunni looked aghast, as if there was only one reason anyway. "Because there's a shitload of comic money in that prize!" he declared, like there was no nobler cause.  
  
"Oh, bu o course. D job don' matta none, 'Zuu-Kun' jus wan's his comic books." Rho mumbled.  
  
Nick blushed. "My brother reads them too, but he won't admit it in public."  
  
"The same brother that tries to beat me up for being a, quote, 'comic loving geek' every time I walk out of that store in the mall? And he always takes my books and cartoons, so I have to go buy more?"  
  
"Yeah- he does that 'Zero-Neg Space' thing of ours, grabs some old magazines of Dad's he keeps hidden so he can tear them up and make people think he's tearing up their comics while in reality he's keeping them for himself."  
  
"Bastard! I'd loan them to him!"  
  
"Oh, but you outta see his collection! Some of them he's got in English, Korean, German and Japanese!"  
  
"Can he read Japanese?"  
  
"Yeah, actually."  
  
"Argh! He stole my manga, the prick!"  
  
"Com'on, you're no better, you little kleptomaniac."  
  
"Hey, shut up!" Zuu shouted. 


	15. Uh? is quickly becoming Ryo's main quote

"Uh?" is quickly becoming Ryo-Chan's main quote.  
  
Ryoga came back to consciousness slowly. The first thing he saw was his backpack on a push cart. The second was Tony standing behind it, holding up a bunch of bags, smiling evilly, and leaning on the cart.  
  
The third thing he noticed was a slight pulling pain in his right ear.  
  
"Ow," he said, reaching a hand up and wincing at the pinching sensation.  
  
"Sorry 'bout that. But I was right, it looks pretty fucking cool."  
  
"Uh? What does?"  
  
"Well, first things first, come with me. And pull the blindfold on, I'll take you where we need to go." Tony set the bags down on the cart, made Ryoga sit on it, and started to push. Ryoga readjusted the bandana to where it was a blindfold for maybe the second time in his life and went along for the ride.  
  
The cart stopped, and Tony pulled him up. They walked a little bit, then Tony stopped. "Stand still. And, um, maybe you outta strip."  
  
"What?"  
  
"But keep the bandana on, okay?"  
  
"Uh?"  
  
"Trust me."  
  
"Trust YOU?"  
  
"Fine, I'll do it, you child." Tony started to tug at his belt when Ryoga decided he'll do it.  
  
"But nothing funny!"  
  
"Relax, I'm just gonna change your clothes. I bought you new ones."  
  
"Why can't I put them on myself?"  
  
"A, I'm not sure you know how, and 2, I want you to be surprised when you see them."  
  
"Oh." Ryoga felt his shirt being lifted off. "They are men's clothes, aren't they?"  
  
"Originally, but a lot of girls wear them too. But no, it's not a dress, if that's what you're worried about. Slide these pants on, will ya? I'll hook 'em up for you when your done."  
  
"Hook them up?"  
  
"Just do it." Ryoga sighed, but did so. Tony handed him a shirt with instructions to put it on, then he started to connect the buckles.  
  
"Tuck that shirt in, okay? I'll give you an over-shirt in a minute." Tony hooked a watch on his left wrist, then handed him some bracelets. "Put these on both hands, ok?"  
  
"I'm not sure I get this."  
  
"We're almost done, just put this on." Ryoga slid the over-shirt on. "Now, I'm gonna hand you some belts."  
  
"Some?"  
  
"Yeah. The long one goes on your waist of course, but put the shorter two over, um, this area." He tapped him mid-calf. "On one each leg or both on one, take your pick. In fact, you can do what I do, one on one and two on the other. I bought you a few more." Ryoga buckled the second belt.  
  
"One on both legs? Or two on one?"  
  
"Sure, but cross 'em." Ryoga shrugged, criss-crossing the second over it and tying a third higher on his leg. Tony handed him some more, and he reversed the effect on his right leg.  
  
"I'll do the shoes, and then I'll finish up. When I'm done, put the bandana back where it belongs, but keep your eyes closed until I say so."  
  
"Why am I doing this again?" Ryoga asked as he tied the bandana back in place, eyes held shut tightly.  
  
"Kinda 'cause I told my Mom that I would, and she wanted to see receipts for the credit cards. I used my own allowance and work money too, but hey, it seems like it'll be fun. Since I kinda adopted you this week, taught you a bit of Americana. You owe me a favor."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Take me to Japan. And I wanna learn to read and write it too. Foreign Exchange program type thing."  
  
"Or Adopt-a-Gaijin."  
  
"Gaijin?"  
  
"Foreigner."  
  
"Ah." Tony connected the last thing and smiled. "Okay, all done! Look in the mirrors."  
  
He opened his eyes, staring in front of him. The man in front of him was familiar, yes, but it couldn't be him.  
  
He had on baggy black pants with thin dark blue stripes, covered in chains, belts and bondage straps. The undershirt was a plain white shirt with Kanji in the same blue coloring. He read the words, laughing.  
  
"What's so funny?"  
  
"No Baka."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"That's what that says. 'No baka'."  
  
"Well, there's more under the over-shirt. It's designed kind of strange. Writing on one sleeve, the top of the front, the bottom of the back, the bottom rim."  
  
"All of it's the same phrase- 'Watashi no baka.'"  
  
"Which means?"  
  
"I'm an idiot."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Aw, it's okay." The over-shirt, he noticed, was plain black with blue piping and letters spelling out 'Ryo-Chan' on the pocket.  
  
"Custom lettering?" he asked, pointing at it. He stared at his new combat boots with Velcro ties.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Huh." He picked up one of the many necklaces. It also had his name, 'Hibiki', in small beads. The others were a small black piglet,(he made a mental note to hurt Tony) a Pentacle, a chain loose around his neck, a hemp necklace that looked built on his neck, a Buddhist rosary necklace, a pair of dog tags and a small Japanese flag with the Kanji 'Nipponjin' under it. He also had several Buddhist prayer bead bracelets and a sports watch.  
  
"Think I have enough necklaces?" he joked, then noticed Tony's assortment. 'Maybe not.' he noted.  
  
"Nah, it looks good. The flag matches the earring."  
  
"What?" He noticed the small ruby gem. "No way, that's coming out-"  
  
"Hey, it'll get infected if you take it out in the next three weeks!" Tony protested.  
  
"Infected?!"  
  
"I got one too, okay? It's no big deal, a lot of American guys do it."  
  
"But-?"  
  
"Hey, it's the only way my Mom'd let me get one, alright?" Ryoga stared. "It looks good, man!"  
  
"And you cut my hair."  
  
"No, it's the same length, it's just not so shaggy and thick anymore. And it goes better with the bandana."  
  
"But-?"  
  
"Yeah, it's cool. Trust me on that. Let's go find Carla and ask her. But you gotta show her the tattoo."  
  
"Tattoo?! No, I don't believe it!"  
  
"Yeah, on your arm. It's Henna, it'll fade off in a while. But for now it's pretty sweet."  
  
"I had a bad experience with a tattoo once, alright?"  
  
"It's just a lion. Hell, you picked it out."  
  
Ryoga blinked. "Lion? Not a face?"  
  
"Face?"  
  
"Never mind." Ryoga looked in the mirror again. "I guess it looks decent."  
  
"What? You look great! Typical American teenager!"  
  
"I'm nineteen!"  
  
"And I'm seventeen. It's how people our ages dress, Ryo. And it looks really good on you, dammit."  
  
"Does it?" Ryoga looked at the reflection again, this time from an American perspective. "Yeah, I guess I do." He smiled. "At least, I look better than you."  
  
"Damn you. Damn you to friggin' hell." 


	16. C'n we get a place to crash for a while?

"C'n we get a place to crash for a while somewhere?"  
  
Ranma blinked. "Say what?"  
  
"You heard me, c'n we get a place to crash for a while somewhere? Just for a while while I win this contest!"  
  
"I mi' jus enta ii to." Rho stated calmly.  
  
"Wha? Why?"  
  
"I dunno, maybe I'm jus sick o ya bringin' home comics evry weekin."  
  
"Yo, Shud Dup!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
Nick pulled Zuu close. "No offense, Rho, but my 'brother-in-law' here can kick your ass easily."  
  
"You speak so heavily accented," Zuu teased. "Or as Toby would say, 'Ooh, it's soooo sexy when you talk Japanese with that oh-so-cute German- Korean-American mixed accent!' And don't you dare say you've never said that," he growled at Toby, pointing.  
  
"You were listening?!"  
  
"You were cooing, Tob, how could I not? I mean, I've seen you make out with this boy half-naked in our room and yet when you said that I felt it was the gayest thing you'd ever done."  
  
"Gayest." Toby asked calmly, ".Or most homo-erotic?"  
  
"Whichever makes you feel better, Tob, whichever makes you feel better."  
  
Ranma cleared her throat. "I may know a place," she said quickly.  
  
"Really?" Zuu yelped. He hugged Ranma. "Sugoi de!"  
  
"Well." Ranma started, shoving Zunni off. "It's not mine, but you may be able to get a room if you ask the Tendo family to use their dojo."  
  
"A room? As in only one room?"  
  
"There's a curtain," Ranma added quickly.  
  
"Hell, I'll sleep on the roof if you don't have a patio, but we'll take it."  
  
"Huh?" the other three turned, quizzical.  
  
"Yeah, Tob and Ni Kwan get the bigger half of the dojo, Rho gets the smaller side, and I take the porch or the roof."  
  
"Why can' I geh d roof?"  
  
"'Cause you're the responsible one, Rho, and I sure as hell don't want to hear Toby groaning like a little girl with a skinned knee an' shit."  
  
The others, even Ranma, looked at him with an expression of disgust.  
  
"I wouldn't do that in public, Zuu." Nick whispered quietly.  
  
"I know, but it's the principle of the thing."  
  
"I do not sound like a little girl."  
  
"No, you don't," Nick smirked as he kissed Toby's forehead.  
  
Zuu smiled. "See what I live with? A cute but gay brother, my arch- rival's twin brother who happens to be his lover, a psycho chaos worshipper, a model who's too shy to do anything, and the ruler of the universe who hates me more than anything."  
  
Ranma nodded. "I'm going to the Cat Café," he announced, turning to go.  
  
"Food?" Toby and Zuu begged, following him.  
  
"It's Chinese food."  
  
"Cool, Szechwan or Hunan?" Zunni wondered.  
  
"Chinese food."  
  
"Szechwan China or Hunan China? Hell, if they have Cantonese, even." Zuu argued.  
  
"It's just Chinese food."  
  
"I like Chinese food, but I'm partial to Korean," Toby admitted.  
  
"Yeah, he looks pretty tasty, but I dunno, Tob, I swing towards girls over guys. He's got a really great cousin."  
  
"My fiancé?"  
  
"You're married."  
  
"Yeah, but Jun Min and I agreed that a political marriage would be a safe plan. I married Nick out of love."  
  
Zuu stared at him. "You know, it takes a lot to startle me, but that was adequate for it."  
  
"Oh? Thank you. We outta go clubbing again tonight, the three of us."  
  
"Hell yeah, now you're talkin' my language. Are you gonna play your little 'Pick a girl, make her think she owns you, flirt all night and make out with Nick in front of her right when she wants to suck you down' game tonight?"  
  
"Zûnni-Len, you are such a pervert. I don't go that far with them. It's just a little innocent fun."  
  
"Before you spill your not so innocent love life."  
  
"You really are disgusted that I like guys, aren't you?"  
  
Ranma winced. "I know I am."  
  
Zuu glared. "It's his life, bitch. And Toby deserves someone who treats him like Nick does."  
  
Ranma shivered. "Perverts."  
  
Zuu smacked him. 


	17. Let's finish the Ryoga in America Chroni...

Let's finish the 'Ryoga in America' Chronicles.  
  
"Turn left, Ryo."  
  
"Can't believe you did that. I can't remove it for three weeks without an infection?"  
  
"At least it's small."  
  
"It's the principle of the thing, Tony. You should have asked."  
  
"You would have said no!"  
  
"Still shoulda asked! You even cut my hair! You have no idea how often I try to avoid that!"  
  
"Well, you look American now!"  
  
"But we're going to go get your stuff and go to my country!"  
  
"You look better, now."  
  
"Shit." Ryoga snarled, stopping the car. "We're here."  
  
Tony started to climb out, but held the door ajar and stood halfway up. "This isn't my house."  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"There's snow."  
  
"So?"  
  
" It's July," Tony explained. When Ryoga still looked confused, he sighed and calmly said, "Mountains. Farms in the valley down there. A decent sized city. Need I go on?"  
  
"Yes, I'm still confused."  
  
"We're lost. Let's check my GPS." Tony turned on the small screen in the dashboard, hitting the coordinates for his house.  
  
"Jesus fuckin' Christ." Tony whistled. "How long have you been driving?"  
  
"About." Ryoga checked his new watch. "Thirteen minutes."  
  
"Jesus fuckin' Christ." Tony repeated. "In less than fifteen minutes you drove us from Hershey, Pennsylvania, to Boise, Idaho."  
  
"Really? Is that far?"  
  
"Yes, about three thousand miles. It was a fifteen mile drive."  
  
"I thought I made a few too many turns."  
  
"'A few too many turns'?! Is that your excuse? What you did is not possible, Ryo!"  
  
"I have a pretty bad sense of direction."  
  
"Pretty bad?! That's not possible! Where did all the gas come from? Where did the entire Midwest US go? How did you get lost going down the street with a GPS system?!"  
  
"This happens a lot. I never really questioned it before."  
  
"WHAT?!?!"  
  
"Well, how do you think I got to your house in the first place?"  
  
"You got lost? I thought you were left behind from a tour group!"  
  
"No, I walked."  
  
"Didn't you notice the, oh, Pacific Ocean?!"  
  
"No, not really. When I get lost, I get lost."  
  
"Man, how could you do that?"  
  
"Sorry. It's kinda biological."  
  
"Are you blaming your parents for your poor sense of direction?"  
  
"Well, how do you think they met? They were both trying to find home, and they decided to travel together for a week."  
  
"And?"  
  
"Turns out they'd been neighbors their whole lives, they'd just spent so much time lost they'd never known. Think of it this way, I see my parents so rarely that not only did I avoid all parent-teacher conferences, I never got in trouble for not doing chores, I never became one of those rebellious, spiteful teens who hates his family, and I never ran away from home because I was sick of living there."  
  
"Are you saying you're rarely ever home?"  
  
"Yeah. But I try to be responsible when I am. Hell, half the times I've gotten lost it was looking for the lawn mower or going out for dinner or trying to buy more dog food for my dogs."  
  
"You have pets?"  
  
"Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to have your dog make a commercial for her missing owner?"  
  
"Shouldn't it be the other way around?"  
  
"Shouldn't it? Idaho, Jesus! Tony, I'm real sorry. Let me treat you to dinner or something."  
  
"Nah."  
  
"Aw, com'on! I'll take you out for some sushi or something. Whaddaya say?"  
  
"Raw fish?"  
  
"Sashimi's raw, sushi's like canned tuna. Pre-cooked served cold."  
  
"Er."  
  
"You did want to go to Japan."  
  
"But. how about tacos?" * * *  
  
Ryoga was paying, so they went to a Hibachi grill, where Tony still ordered tacos and ended up with Tako, which he didn't particularly like, i.e. wouldn't touch.  
  
They then went to a clothing store, where Tony bought two days worth of clothes and called his mom to beg her to send clothes to Ryoga's house in Japan. Then he ordered two tickets to Tokyo.  
  
Ryoga ate a cheeseburger he got from a local That'sa Burger! and Tony's leftover, i.e. untouched, sushi.  
  
They went back to the Durango, where Ryoga unpacked his stuff and made camp. Tony got the car, and Ryoga got the tent.  
  
Until they saw who else was in the car.  
  
"Carla?!" Tony yelped as he opened the backdoor.  
  
"Yeah, it's me. I wanted to tell Dave I'll see him around but I couldn't find him. Is this Dave's brother or something?" she asked, nodding towards Ryoga.  
  
"Nope, this is 'Dave' himself."  
  
"Why did you keep calling him 'Ryo' then?"  
  
"Family nickname," Ryoga said quickly.  
  
"Oh. Where are we?"  
  
"Boise, Idaho- Hey, don't look at me like that, it's his fault."  
  
Ryoga sighed. "Might as well make room for one more."  
  
* * *  
  
The man walked down the street angrily. Where were the others?  
  
He spat, cursing in several languages, some not even human.  
  
He saw the make-shift campsite, smiling. "Hey, you," he called to the boy poking the fire. The boy turned.  
  
"Give me all your stuff- including the car."  
  
"It's not my car," the boy replied. "It's Tony's."  
  
"Ah, well, give me the crap anyway."  
  
"Tony's in the tent, ask him if you can. I don't think he'll say yes, though."  
  
The man grunted, pulling Tony out harshly. "Give me your stuff, all of it, even the car."  
  
"My car? Fuck you, bitch, I'm not giving up my car!"  
  
"Oh?"  
  
Tony reached to one of the key chains he had sticking on his belt loops. "Yeah." He grabbed a carabineer. "I had to work three summer jobs for that car, and I still pay insurance."  
  
And with that, he clipped the carabineer to the man's shirt front and flipped him with a judo flip, releasing the latch as he let the man fly over the car.  
  
"Shit." Ryoga noted. Tony pulled out some mountain climbing rods, hurling them at the man. They hit his clothing, knocking him off the car but not damaging either the car or the man. Then he grabbed the rope from one of his cargo pockets.  
  
"Yeesh. An anything-goes martial arts?"  
  
"Martial Arts Extreme Sports," Tony explained as he threw the rope at one of the spikes and swung with it towards the man. "Mountain climbing, bungee jumping, rafting, canoeing, sky diving, skate boarding." Tony whacked the man with the dull end of the spike, then punched him regularly with his other hand.  
  
"I call it X-Games Jujutsu personally."  
  
"Hmm." Ryoga thought aloud. "You never mentioned martial arts."  
  
"Most people start going hyper when you say you know them. 'Oooh, cool! Show me some moves, teach me how to fight!'"  
  
"Or how about, 'Wow, we could have sparred'?" Ryoga said as he unhooked his umbrella. He threw it at the man.  
  
That's when the man struck.  
  
It wasn't a physical blow. It was a temporary reality displacement sphere, or chaos bomb. For one minute, up became down, black became white, gravity and friction became nonexistent. For just a moment, Ryoga was not lost at all, and even knew exactly how to get back to Nerima.  
  
And in the middle of it stood the man, who threw the umbrella back at Ryoga and walked to the car as Ryoga fell down, or up as the case was. The man glowed for a moment, then another 'bomb' went off. It was possible to tell because of the displacement of noticeably obvious characteristics of an explosion and the fact that the man stopped glowing and fell to the ground.  
  
The other give away was that the car imploded and turned inside out.  
  
"Shi-i-t!" Tony yelled as the bombs wore off, running towards his car. "My poor ca-a-a-a-ar!"  
  
Carla crawled out from her new hiding place on top of the former back seat and now metal with cotton and foam padding.  
  
"What happened here?"  
  
"My car-! Look at it!"  
  
"Where is it?"  
  
"That's just it! There is no more car!" Tony put his fingers in his mouth and bit, moaning.  
  
"It's not so bad."  
  
"It's certainly not good!" Tony argued.  
  
The man stood up.  
  
"Damn. You're still here? What are you, too stupid to get mad? In that case, I'll have to get Rho to punish you. He hits hard, where it counts. You know, one time he turned an entire family of twelve into each member's opposite sex? And you think this was harsh? Now you'll be scared. And I'll even let you keep your stuff."  
  
"What did you say?" Tony growled, mad about the car and clutching another handful of climbing poles menacingly.  
  
The man pulled out a little box and spoke into it, speaking a foreign language. The message went through several intergalactic channels to the other side of the planet. Ironic, huh?  
  
Ryoga revived, pissed. He leapt up, grabbing the umbrella. 'Odd,' he thought as he swung it, 'It never felt so big before...'  
  
As he landed, his bandana slid into his face, and his clothes fell in heaps on the ground.  
  
"Uh?" he wondered, looking down. "They fit two minutes ago."  
  
Tony and Carla gasped. Ryoga looked at them.  
  
"Why are you guys. So little?"  
  
"Ryoga. You're a kid. We all are."  
  
That's when it clicked. "Oh shit, not again." 


	18. Rho's partner in Boise

Welcome to Part 2! I figure this will have about 7-8 parts with multiple sub-chapters. And fear not, Shampoo fans, she gets a larger role in this chapter!  
  
It's not My fault!!! Part 2- Curses.  
  
Rho's partner in Boise. Rho slipped the box back into the pocket of his ridiculous clothes. "Carlos wanted me t curse some people," he explained to the others as they sat eating ramen.  
  
"Oh?" Nick asked.  
  
"How did you do it?"  
  
Rho shrugged. "I jus' pushed dem back en time while keeping dem en real time, ii was no problem." He forked his ramen, cutting it so he wouldn't slurp it and look like an 'idiot', or Rho's definition of everyone else.  
  
Zuu slurped happily, but stopped when Rho explained the curse. "You turned me into a girl," he said venomously.  
  
"Dat wasn' me, Zuu, dat was d me from yer dream. Bu I do know how t."  
  
Ranma gulped. "I'm sorry, did you say you know how to change someone's sex? And what did you do to those people?"  
  
"That is a good question." Nick said, slurping his up and mentally complaining that the ramen was too mild compared to when he made it, but that could be due to the fact he loved spicy-by-Korean-standards food and always added extra hot sauce to said spicy foods. Extremely hot sauce.  
  
-Note- The lucky bastard.-End note-  
  
Zuu laughed. "Oh, gee, youse guys don't know it yet, huh? Rho here loves cursing people."  
  
"So do you," Nick muttered. ".Dammit," Toby added.  
  
-Note- Using ".Dammit," as an emphasis added after the original sentence and emphasis had previously been stated is one of the things Zuu's most famous for, and this is the first time I've used it in this story. It's meant to be a mockery from Toby. .Dammit. -End note-  
  
"Not cursing as in foul language, cursing as in 'She turned me into a NEWT' curses," Zunni growled. He slurped up another bite of ramen, then added, ".Dammit. 'Not curing as in foul language, dammit.'"  
  
"Clean up yer language," Rho muttered. None of them could help it.  
  
".Dammit! 'Clean up yer language, dammit!'" the others yelled at Rho, imitating his heavy Ieecian accent and taunting him with another of Zunni's innate stupidity and comedic aphorisms. Rho smacked his head, but did it with the hand holding his chopsticks. He ended up sloshing ramen into his hair.  
  
The others laughed, of course, but caught themselves when they realized they'd been talking about how he can give harsh curses before they teased him. They all stopped suddenly and stayed silent.  
  
Nick was the first to break it. ".What did you do to them, Rho-â?"  
  
"I'm not Korean, dere's no need fo a Korean honorific," Rho grumbled. Nick opened his mouth to say something else, but Rho interrupted, "N s not 'Herr Rho' r 'Rho-Sama' eithaa. S jus Rho."  
  
"I hate it when you do that, sir."  
  
"No sir!" Rho yelled, leaping to his feet and slamming his hands on the table. It snapped beneath him, spilling ramen, chopsticks, sake and Zûnni onto the floor.  
  
"Er." Rho stammered, looking at the other customers with a red face. "Cha ii mu ya ka, sae sae?" he exclaimed cheerfully, grinning and holding up a victory sign.  
  
"I think," Ranma said quietly, "You'd better finish this conversation before we get into trouble."  
  
Zuu hissed, "He's already in trouble." He held up a hand to emphasize. All Ranma could see was an ordinary hand, but Rho gulped.  
  
"Ya mu ii." he whispered fearfully. "Ya mu ii-ya mu ii!"  
  
"That's right. Feral." Ranma still saw no difference.  
  
Rho grinned. "Ka sai ya cha ii ya mu ii sai-i-i," Rho sang softly, sliding into a fighting position with two small round cylinders in his hands.  
  
"Sometimes," Zuu agreed. "But not from you, you little half-breed. 'Ya mu ii- Cha sae ya'. 'The angel who has fallen and become a mage in mind and an angel in body.' "  
  
"Angel?" Ranma asked incredulously.  
  
Rho and Zunni turned to him, wide-eyed. Rho smacked Zuu in the back of the head. "Sae ya, Shintoyoki-Len! Mu ya mu ii cha ka sae sai sai aye!"  
  
"Hey, now. Not cool. It was a little Freudian slip, okay?" Zuu rubbed his head. "Ow."  
  
Toby laughed, a soft giggling sound. "'Lo and behold, I bring forth tithings of great Joy! from the Lord an' shit', right? Come on, guys, it's not our fault nearly every culture misinterpreted us." He patted Nick's hand. "'Cept for the Demons."  
  
Nick gasped. "Don't say that out loud!"  
  
"I'm sorry, are you ashamed that you're an Oni? But I think it's great! I mean, your kind rule the Earth, no matter what the humans say. And you're from one of the most powerful and prestigious families of daemons, the highest class of demons! You shouldn't be humiliated."  
  
Nick stared around the room at all the customers who were now gaping. "You don't know how much humanity hates demons, do you?!"  
  
Toby shook his head no. "Atoni don't hate demons. Hell, we even sleep together, right?" Nick looked even more mortified. "Oh, com'on! It's not like it's a big deal! How many times have we fucked, Ni Kwan? Enough to where you shouldn't care what people think about it anymore."  
  
Nick sobbed. Zuu sighed, patting Toby's shoulders. "You still don't get humans, do you? It's bad enough that you just yelled out to the world that Kim Ni Kwan-â here's an ONI, which is a type of DEMON that humans HATE BECAUSE THEY HATE DEMONS, but to top it off, you admit he's GAY! It's not like BEING A DEMON'S BAD ENOUGH, BEING A GAY DEMON'S EVEN WORSE!" Zunni yelled. The entire restaurant started to panic, except for Ranma.  
  
"A. Demon?" She glared at them, eyes slits.  
  
"Shit, you're an exterminator?" Zuu whispered. "Oh, crap, now we gotta explain every thing!"  
  
"I don' tink dat'll stop 'im," Rho grumbled as Ranma attacked Nick.  
  
The last thing Nick could remember was Zunni saying loudly, "You mean her, right?", then everything fading to black. 


	19. Hiking with Hibiki

Hiking with Hibiki  
  
Ryoga finished ripping apart the last of his yellow shirts. "Here ya go," he said as he handed another strip of cloth to Carla. She tied it in her hair as a headband.  
  
"Well, I could have given you a bandana for that!" Ryoga yelled as she did it.  
  
"Don't be so selfish!" she snapped.  
  
"But that was my last shirt- Besides all the American ones Tony got me."  
  
"Don't you have some more at home?"  
  
"No, I don't! In fact, I'd even picked up my laundry the day before, so I don't have any other shirts!"  
  
"That's really sad, man, you must have ripped up eight of these yellow ones alone. Three black. And five pairs of pants- two green, one black, one blue pair of cargo pants, which is a nice change of pace, Hibiki, and one that's sort of. Oh wait, that was green, too."  
  
"An' all just for her to wear, too!" Ryoga sobbed. "Girls sure are vain," Toby added.  
  
"Oh, give me a break!" Carla moaned. "You made them for me!"  
  
"But you asked if I had any clothes to spare! Now all I have is my new stuff!"  
  
Tony sighed. "Get over it, both of you. Let's just go to the airport."  
  
"Got the tickets?" Tony nodded. "Got a passport?" Tony stopped.  
  
".No. Maybe. What do they look like?" Ryoga reached into his backpack and held out a booklet.  
  
"This is mine," he explained.  
  
"Tri-lingual."  
  
"I get stuck in China a lot. Actually, I have about four tri-lingual passports."  
  
Tony opened it to the "English" page and read. "You're not an American citizen, " he argued, holding up the page and pointing at the 'citizenship' slot. Ryoga looked at where he was pointing, read it carefully- slowly-, nodded and smiled.  
  
"Yes I am."  
  
"No, you're not. It says here your home address is in Tokyo."  
  
"But read on, it explains it."  
  
Tony continued. "Dual-citizenship until 18, chose American. But you live in Japan, Ryo."  
  
"I was born here. Boston."  
  
"It says that. But it's not true. I mean, how could it be?"  
  
"I. Well, my Mom. She was in labor, right? Contractions and stuff. But when she drove to the hospital."  
  
"-That old 'Hibiki Directional Sense' kicked in, right."  
  
Tony sighed. ".But. Tokyo to Boston?"  
  
"She kinda. Drove on a plane. Broke water at the airport in Boston. Imagine hearing that story on your sixth birthday while trying to understand why everyone says you're American."  
  
"Shi-i-i-it! She drove on the fuckin' plane?"  
  
"Uh-huh. In labor at two miles up, broke water on the other side of the world. Pilot took her to the hospital an' everything, they were pretty kind about it."  
  
"Nononono, you don' understand what I'm saying here. She drove on the fuckin' plane?"  
  
"Trans-Atlantic Delta Airlines Flight 375. Which is why do this day I'm allowed to ride Delta for free. And I even got this neat little certificate and some pins and things from them in my room. In fact, maybe I still." He started to fish around in his pack again.  
  
"You ride Delta for free?"  
  
"And if it's a Japan-America flight, they put me in first class and give me free meals. But only me. See, it's all in there? In the little flap." Ryoga smiled again as he handed over the little booklet.  
  
"So, we only need to buy one ticket?" Tony sighed. "But I've paid for two!"  
  
Ryoga shrugged. "Carla, wanna go to Japan?"  
  
* * *  
  
They had to walk to the nearest parking lot to get a ride, about three miles away. Tony used a climbing spike to snap the lock, and they all climbed in, Ryoga manning the accelerator and clutch, Tony on the wheel and Carla as navigator.  
  
Tony pulled out a CD case from his backpack. "Pick one," he told Carla.  
  
"Ewww, there's nothing but bad music!" she whined. "Why don't you have anything by a good band?"  
  
Ryoga grabbed a CD and slid it in. "What's 'Nirvana'?" he asked as he turned on the player. "That's not Buddhist chants or something, is it?"  
  
"You kids have got to be shittin' me," Tony groaned.  
  
"I'm 19."  
  
"Right now, you're about 8."  
  
"19."  
  
"Whatever, Ryo. I'm turning the keys, hit the brake so I can switch gears." Ryoga stepped on the brake pad until Tony said he was in Drive.  
  
"We gotta go about 45 miles per hour. Carla, keep track of our speed and tell Ryoga if we have to slow down or speed up."  
  
"Who's Ryoga?"  
  
Tony and Ryo sighed. "And we have to take this to Denver?" Tony moaned. 


	20. Here kitty kitty kitty

\  
  
  
  
Here Kitty-Kitty-Kitty.  
  
Ranma stood, energy ready to fight the demons to the death. The short one with the long hair and dark eyes smiled widely. "'Ey, girl, don'cha worry 'bout lil' Nick here. The whole family loves humanity- Especially his father. But we're actually here to help. At least, I am. Rho's here to protect Toby, and Tob and Nick are on a little vacation. Family was getting a little stressful." The short boy sighed.  
  
"Hoboy. Maybe I outta explain it a little better, huh? Well. We're aliens. 'Cept Nick, he's a demon. No, demons are not so bad. In fact. They protect humanity from other races. One of the last lines of defense. Which is what we are. Rho and me, at least. Hoboy." He looked at the others. Toby was gently holding Nick, still unconscious, and Rho was glowing with anger.  
  
"It's a long story. How 'bout we explain over okonomiyaki later? Right now, I wanna finish my ramen. And Nick's too, while he's asleep." The boy's smile grew bigger as he picked up his chopsticks.  
  
Ranma stared. "But-"  
  
"Eat yer damn ramen, Zuu- dis ain' d place fo' us."  
  
"Shut up, man!" Zuu slurped up a big bite, then continued to talk around it. "It's cool here. Reminds me of something from one of my comics, seriously. All I need to see is some gender-and-shape-shifting and a boy in a yellow bandana running in here yelling 'Where the hell am I now?' and swinging an umbrella."  
  
"Hibiki?" Ranma asked incredulously.  
  
"'Ey, you read that one too! Great books, huh? Takahashi's brilliant. I wish I could remember the name of the story and characters right now though."  
  
Ranma blinked. "Ri-ight."  
  
"Oi! More ramen over here! Three bowls, one extra, extra spicy! Szechwan style with like extra hot sauce an' shit."  
  
".Dammit. Hot sauce an' shit, dammit," he added, finishing his ramen.  
  
"Three order ramen, one too too spicy, come up now, okay?" Shampoo called from the back.  
  
"Hell yeah. But take ya time, I'm in no rush." Zuu picked up a menu. "Gimme one of these 'Airen Memorial Specials' too, 'kay? I'm pretty hungry." Zuu smiled. "We'll go eat about eight okonomiyaki after this, right?" Ranma gulped.  
  
"Uh, right, at Ucchan's. Sure thing."  
  
"'Ucchan's'. Hmm. There's something familiar about that name."  
  
Shampoo came out with four bowls of noodles. "Three plate regular ramen, one too too spicy, and one Airen Special. Is all for today?"  
  
"Damn, she's cute!" Zuu whistled. "In fact, why don'cha go talk to Rho over there-" She looked at Toby. "Nah, Rho's not the cute one, he's the- "  
  
"I do to look good!" Rho yelled, hitting Zunni. "Bu why re ya tryin' t get dis gal t talk t me anyway-"  
  
"Nihao!" Shampoo replied as he tried to finish. Rho blushed.  
  
"Ch-Cha aye mu," he replied, stammering and blushing. "Ii thaye ya-"  
  
"In Japanese ya lil' sombitch!" Zuu hollered, smacking him.  
  
"Oh." He gulped, still blushing. Zuu grabbed his ice water that came with his sake and threw it at the two. "Dammit, do ya need ta wake up?!" he growled as the water splashed on them. "She's really hot, and I'm tryin' ta set ya up here, Rho!"  
  
Shampoo transformed. Ranma screamed and ran behind Zuu, who was scratching his head in recognition.  
  
Rho, however, was unaffected. "Hot water reverses it," he said calmly.  
  
"But only until the next time! And he's got three martial arts-master fiancés! But what was the story about again?" Zuu sobbed. "Lost boy with an umbrella, there was a lost boy with an umbrella! And the underwear kid! An' the sword dude, and the rose chick, and the. Fuck, I can't remember!"  
  
Ranma stared at him with a questioning expression on his face. "What are you talking about?" Rho sighed, pouring some water on Shampoo and tossing his cloak on her.  
  
"That's the thing, I can't remember!" Zuu wailed. He slid off his backpack. "It's in here." he muttered, pulling out some clothes. "This one!" he said, holding up a black t-shirt and showing it off.  
  
He looked at it. "That's funny, the names faded off, but the color's perfect." He bit his lip. "I can't remember the names, either, but this was the best character."  
  
Shampoo and Ranma grabbed the shirt and stared. They stared for a long, long time. 


	21. Delta at your service because Tony has S...

\ Delta at your service because Tony has Sky Miles  
  
The security guard stared at them as they walked in. Three kids, one with a pair of sleeping bags tied to his back, one carrying a backpack larger than him and with an umbrella tied to the top, and a girl. They were wearing an odd assortment of clothing- Sleeping bag boy had on a pair of much too long boxers, a Vans hat, a pair of socks, an over shirt, a red t-shirt that was tucked into the boxers and very, very baggy, and a pair of large flip- flops. The back pack boy was in a black shirt that was rolled up and held on by a belt at his waistline, a pair of black pants that were also rolled up and held on by a combination of belts and cross-strings, a yellow bandana and a pair of large flip-flops. The girl was in yellow, black, green and gray rags tied onto her with strings and a pair of large flip- flops.  
  
Needless to say, the guard was quite confused.  
  
"We got passed Security!" Carla said happily.  
  
"Just the first round," Ryoga mumbled from experience.  
  
"He was probably too startled to stop us anyway. That dude didn't have to turn us into children, y'know! I can't believe we stole three pairs of flip-flops!"  
  
"'No shirt, no shoes, no service'," Ryoga quoted. "I'm just surprised you grabbed the wrong sizes."  
  
"Forgive me if I'm used to 13 and a half, not 2!" Ryoga shrugged.  
  
"Forget it. Our problem is explaining the ticket situation."  
  
"Where's the problem in that? I did it over the phone. I'll call 'em up again and have them transfer it to two tickets for twelve year olds flying together. You go and get your free ride. First class. Bastid."  
  
"Oh? And the fact that my passport says I'm 19? With my picture, at 19, back before you cut my hair and stuck this earring in me?"  
  
"It looks cool, dude, don't knock it."  
  
"That's not the point! The problem's that I have to be 19 to get a free ride, because they know when I was born and everything! That was part of the deal! See?" Ryoga held the papers out again. Indeed, he had to prove he who he was, and have his birth date double-checked so they could prove he was eligible for a free ticket.  
  
"Shit, I gotta buy a third?"  
  
"Yeah. Sorry. Unless Carla will stay here."  
  
"Not until you change me back!"  
  
"Settled then. Three tickets to Tokyo."  
  
Tony flipped through the passport. "You're right, you do look rather different here. What was the point of wearing a headband if you just covered it up, man?" Ryoga snatched the passport away.  
  
"I never have good photos!"  
  
"Can I see your driver's license, then? I wanna see who's is worse."  
  
"Argh!" Ryoga yelled at the stupidity of it all, banging his head against a wall and leaving a dent. Tony kept fishing through his backpack, because Tony liked to fish though his backpack. He pulled out a cell phone.  
  
"Hey, why didn't you tell me you had this?" he called to Ryoga, who was banging his head again.  
  
Ryoga looked up, saw the phone and replied, "It's only for emergencies."  
  
Tony stared back at him. "And getting lost on the other side of the country's not an emergency?"  
  
"Getting lost is never an emergency," Ryoga growled.  
  
"Jesus fucking Christ, child." Tony turned it on, about to dial when he saw the number. "Ryo? Get over here."  
  
Ryoga didn't listen. "Ryo!" he tried again, louder. "Ryoga! Oi, Hibiki! Ryoga Hibiki! Dammit, get over here and read this for me!" Tony threw the phone at him.  
  
Ryoga caught it before it fell on the ground and shattered. "Phew."  
  
"What's it say?" Tony asked as he walked over to him.  
  
"I've had 19 calls since I last checked my messages," he translated. "Let's see." He pushed the check messages option.  
  
"Mom," he explained as he listened. "She's saying she made me some dinner for when I come home. Sukiyaki."  
  
"Ah. Is that good?"  
  
"When it's fresh. Two months old, no."  
  
"Eee."  
  
"Yeah. Then this is. Oh shit, I gotta call back," he said quickly as he listened.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Ucchan. I asked about trying to start a restaurant chain, and this is the response."  
  
"One of you friends in Japan?"  
  
"Yeah. Owns an okonomiyaki place. We may go in business together. It's been decently effective every time we've teamed up before."  
  
"You owning a restaurant? Could you find it?"  
  
"Why do you think I begged for a job?" Ryoga scanned the other messages- Mostly just his parents checking up him. He speed dialed Ucchan's.  
  
For the next two minutes, Tony wished he had subtitles. Carla came up mid-conversation. "Who's he talking to?"  
  
"Some pal o' his back home."  
  
"Oh? Is that Spanish or Chinese?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"He said he lived in Mexico and China."  
  
"He's Japanese, girl! I mean, look at his passport, the boy lives in Tokyo!"  
  
"He does not!" Ryoga sighed, holding the receiver of the phone so they wouldn't be sent over the line. "Guys, I have to finish this call. I may just get a partnership for a restaurant chain."  
  
"What? You with a job?" Ryoga growled, fangs exposed.  
  
"It says here he's American!" Carla laughed. "Not Japanese!"  
  
"Child, read the fuckin' address forum!"  
  
"He said he moved around a bit."  
  
"Jesus fucking Christ, child."  
  
"Could you both just SHUT UP?!" Ryoga yelled at them. "This is an important conversation!"  
  
"Maybe your boy can have a little more patience, then. We gotta get to Japan when we're stuck as children. Without tickets."  
  
"And it's all your fault, Dave!" Carla added. Ryoga sighed.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"It's okay, I got sky miles. After all, Ryo-Chan, those clothes were pretty damn expensive." Tony smiled as he took the cell phone.  
  
"Sayonara, Ucchan. Ryo-san has gotta go," he said into the receiver, hanging up before the other end could reply and dialing the Denver airport. 


	22. Okonomiyaki for Everyone! Especially Zun...

Okonomiyaki for everyone! (Especially Zuu-kun)  
  
Ukyo Kuonji slammed the phone down. She didn't understand what the American had said, not all of it at least, but she knew that it was during a long and important business discussion.  
  
"Huh," she noted as she recalled Ryoga's arguments from the conversation. "Speaking so much American made his voice a lot higher."  
  
The door chimed. She turned towards her customers. Shampoo and some strange red haired girl were holding a black t-shirt and staring as if it were the key to human existence. A short but incredibly attractive man was carrying another man, unconscious. The other man looked like an oddly handsome cross between European and Korean, but somehow he tended to avoid being either with the barest hints of something not so easily place. A third man, hair tied in a ponytail to his mid-back, eyes glaring. And the forth, a young man with shoulder-length hair who skipped into the restaurant holding a plate of ramen in one hand, chopsticks in the other and spinning midair to a seat in front of the grill.  
  
"One of each kind of okonomiyaki you got, three cups of green tea, extra bonito shavings on the okonomiyaki and heavy on the sauce, and uh. Youse guys want anything?"  
  
The others didn't notice. The short one propped the unconscious one into a stool, the long-haired one sat down as well, but laid his cheek into his palm and sighed. The two women stared at the shirt some more.  
  
"Kay. Just me then. O-ko-no-mi-ya-kii! O-ko-no-mi-ya-kii! I love it, love it, love it, o-ko-no-mi-ya-kii!" he chanted, hitting his chopsticks softly on the table. Ukyo threw sake in the unconscious man's face, and he moaned.  
  
"I'll make yours now," she said sweetly as she oiled the grill. The hyper boy smiled.  
  
The phone rang. "Ma'am?" the hyper boy asked. She threw his noodles on the grill. "Ma'am?" he said as it rang again.  
  
The women sat down, the phone rang, the boy asked for her again. After the forth ring, he got up and answered it himself.  
  
"No, dis isn' Ucchan. Zûnni da. Zuu-Len. Zunni Kashi Shintoyoki. Zuu- kun de. No Da."  
  
A pause. "I dunno man. I just answered the phone because the lady behind the grill wasn't picking up." Another pause. "Yes, I said lady. Well, she smells like one. No, I agree, she lookie like a man, which is weird because she looks like a really hot guy, No! I ain't gay, I can just admit when a guy looks half-way decent, ya? Dude. Dude, I ain't gay. No way. I don't fuck guys, man, that's my little brother's world. Hey, call me that again. Yeah. Whaddaya mean, 'What the hell can you do to me over the phone'? I got a pal here who just turned three dudes into children by blinking. Say that again, bastid? Yeah, ya heard me. Oh yeah? Oh yeah? Well, then, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Oh? Really? Answer the damn question, hot shot." A long pause.  
  
"Really? I never though of that. Three and a half pounds daily, huh? Makes sense. 'Kay then. Bye-bye." And Zunni hung up.  
  
"I am still the champion of completely confusing my way out of arguments," Zuu declared proudly.  
  
"Looks t me li he beat ya, so ya gave up n hung up."  
  
"You know full well how many more I had to play, Rho."  
  
The phone rang again. "'Lo?" Zuu called in English. Another pause. "No, don't worry, this is in Japan," he answered in English. The guy continued. "Nope, sorry, man, I only speak Japanese." The phone guy yelled, and it was enough to tell it was English but not enough to tell what he was saying.  
  
"Yeah, I know this is an important call but I can't connect you because I only speak Japanese." The phone guy yelled even louder, "Then listen to me NOW!!" in Japanese.  
  
"Dude. That's not cool. That ain't Japanese. That's Italian. ¿Tú hablas Español?"  
  
The other end was a fury of curses in both English and Japanese, and Zuu merely smiled. "Sorry, man, I'm dead serious about that Japanese thing. Call back later, I'm all alone right now and none of the others here speaks what you speak. Yeah. I'm all alone, and no one else in this room speaks that. As in no one here who speaks anything but Japanese. Well, you're not. No, that's not. Dude, just shut up, I'm from Okinawa, I know what Japanese sounds like. Yeah, Okinawa. Right. Okay then. Get the picture? Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah. Right. Later." And again Zuu hung up.  
  
It rang again. "Ucchan's Okonomiyaki, how may I help you?" he sang onto the phone. "I'm sorry, but what do you mean my voice sounds a little familiar? Yes, this really is Ucchan's Okonomiyaki. Uh-huh. Ooh. Really? A partnership, ooh, flirting with the owner lady- I dunno, man, she looks pretty damn hot ta me! Yaiiii!" He clicked his tongue into the phone for emphasis. "Oh? Sexy lil' American now, huh? Mr. Big-shot, eh? Flirting with the owner lady, gettin' hot tonight! Mm, ye-ah, Baby! She doesn't wanna talk to you. No, she doesn't. I think I will. Because you asked me to. 'Ey, Ucchan? D'ya wanna talk to a 'Hibiki Ryoga-San'?"  
  
"Give me the phone," she ordered, sliding his okonomiyaki onto a plate. Zunni did a neat little kick onto the counter, one leg one side of the grill and the other on the other, holding the phone to his ear with one hand and using the other to spear his pastry with his chopsticks.  
  
"Nah, he says he don' wanna talk ta ya no more. No, sorry, Hibiki- san, she don' wanna talk ta ya. Damn your name's familiar."  
  
Ukyo grabbed at the phone, but Zunni hopped up into the beams of the ceiling and wrapped his legs around one, hanging upside down. "No, sorry, Hibiki-kun, may I call you kun, no, sorry then, Hibiki-kun, she don't wanna talk ta ya. Get down girl, he says you're not his type anyway and he dialed a wrong number, no Hibiki-kun, she don't love ya."  
  
"This isn't about love!" Ukyo screamed. "Funny, he said that at the exact same time, I think there's some really chemistry in this relationship." Toby smacked him.  
  
"Oi!" Zuu held the spot, nursing it. Toby took the phone and handed it to Ukyo.  
  
"Ryoga and I are considering a business partnership, that's all. And we're discussing the terms of dual-management agreement."  
  
Zunni nodded, biting his lower lip. "I like pie," he added, taking a bite of his okonomiyaki. "But this is good. This is not pie."  
  
"Sorry, Ryoga, some idiot customer kept tying up the phone- yeah, all three times. Yeah. I say more than that. Look, Ryoga-honey, you're not giving me enough for this to work out- Well, maybe if you give a little more, this could be a successful pairing. Fine, than don't donate more money into this, donate more work. Ryoga-honey, this is my baby we're talking about. Yeah. And you want to share this responsibility, take some responsibility. Don't just try to take my baby from me- It's not getting your name unless you work right. Well, you sure haven't been performing as well as you could be!"  
  
Zuu whistled. "Sounds like a steamy relationship to me, should you be talking about your sexual problems around the customers?"  
  
"Shut up," she ordered, shoving another hot okonomiyaki into his mouth, which he happily and stupidly gobbled up. 


	23. The long ride home Actually, it's not

The long ride home. Actually, it's not.  
  
Tony laughed at the insane conversation.  
  
"What the hell do you mean by 'How much wood could a. Wait, How much wood chuck could wood. How much wood could a wood chuck chunk if. How. Much. Wood. Could a wood. Chuck. Chuck. If a wood. Chuck. Could. Chuck. Wood," Ryoga repeated, saying it slowly and drawing out every syllable. That's not something you should be about to enunciate so fucking easily!" Ryoga snarled as the boy taunted him over the line.  
  
"Fine, then! You, about how much does a damned wood chuck weigh!" he yelled to Tony.  
  
"I dunno, eight or nine pounds? They're pretty little."  
  
"Okay, then if it's a eight to nine pound animal, and it eats an equal amount six times daily, and that equal amount is enough to sustain said eight pound creature, it should be eating about 1.28333 grams a meal, or 2.282336 lbs per meal, or an equivalent of 1.590909 grams per meal, about. 3.5 pounds, roughly. Now get serious. Put Ucchan on."  
  
Ryoga held the phone out and stared at it incredulously.  
  
"What's up, Hibiki?"  
  
"He hung up on me. And I even answered his damn question." He dialed the number again. The same voice answered, or at least it sounded similar, but it spoke English.  
  
"I'm sorry," he switched to English. "Is this Ucchan's Okonomiyaki in Nerima, Tokyo, Japan?"  
  
He listened. "Uh-huh. Well, then." Ryoga switched back to Japanese, feeling good about being able to speak it again. "Then I can speak this way for a change. Could you put Ucchan on?"  
  
He went red as he heard the response.  
  
"Only speak JAPANESE? What the FUCK do you think I'm speaking, CANTONESE?!"  
  
After another round, Ryoga wailed, in English, "This is NOT Japanese, you stupid FUCK! I'm speaking in English! And so are YOU! Put me on with Ukyo Kuonji right now, it's really important! KUONJI UKYO-SAN! UCCHAN! UKYO KUONJI, YOU STUPID, STUPID BASTARD!"  
  
Ryoga exploded in Japanese after the next pause. "THEN LISTEN TO ME NOW!!!"  
  
Ryoga was so pissed off now he randomly alternated languages. "Look, dumb ass, put Kuonji on the phone. Kuonji! Stupid Fuck! They don't talk like that in Okinawa, I've been there asshole! Shut the fuck up! Dammit, get me Kuonji right now! Other speakers? Put me on with one of them! UKYO! UKYO KUONJI! KUONJI-SAN!!!" Ryoga again held out the phone looking at it.  
  
"He hung up again, the little fucker!"  
  
"I'm surprised you even know such language. In any language." Tony noted as Ryoga redialed.  
  
".It's you again, isn't it? Your voice sounds just like that little fucker's."  
  
Ryoga sighed. "Is this really Ucchan's Okonomiyaki? Fine, then, I would like to talk to Kuonji Ukyo in regards to formalizing an official agreement on our partnership."  
  
Ryoga's face grew angry as he listened. "It IS you."  
  
"Tell her it's Ryoga Hibiki and he's trapped in America talking to a moron over the phone about how he wants to help donate money and labor to Ucchan's Okonomiyaki to help create a chain across Japan."  
  
"What do you mean, 'She doesn't want to talk to me'? Who is this? Konatsu? What are you trying to pull? I am NOT flirting! I'm being completely serious! Tell her Hibiki Ryoga-kun's on the line. Hibiki Ryoga- kun. Ryoga-san'll be fine, but- What do you mean 'I don't wanna talk to her no more'?! I've been trying for twenty minutes! No, you can't call me 'kun', don't call me Hibiki-kun, stop that- I am not flirting, she's not even my type, no don't say that! This is not a wrong number! Zûnni Kashi Shintoyoki, THIS ISN'T ABOUT LOVE!!!"  
  
He started to launch his cursing barrage again when he heard the familiar Kansai dialect, masculine terminology and barely-but-definitly- female voice. "UKYO! I'm so glad it's you, I'm stuck at an airport in America and whenever I call you I get some idiot child- Three times, Ucchan, three times he picked up the phone. Anyway, I think we outta start a new restaurant in Azabu- That's my home district, and I can donate about. ¥490000 and promise to be there for the opening. This is going to be a good thing, Ucchan, this partnership thing could really work out."  
  
He stopped, gapping. "N-not enough?  
  
"But this could really work! As soon as we make more money from the Azabu branch I can give you more.  
  
"Ukyo, I'm in America, I can't do anything right now.  
  
"Ukyo! I know how important Ucchan's is to you, I really do-  
  
"What, I'm not gonna call it like 'Ryo-kun's' or Hibiki's or something- It doesn't even have to change names, it's still your store, and I'll work as hard as I can when I get there-  
  
"I'm doing the best I can!" Ryoga argued. He waited a moment, then hung up.  
  
"Ucchan hung up on me, too."  
  
"After all that shit you went through? No way, man, get that bastard back on and make him talk to you."  
  
"It's okay, maybe this deal won't work."  
  
"Why?" Tony demanded. Ryoga blinked, and Tony repeated, "Why?"  
  
"Why what?"  
  
"Won't it work out."  
  
"Because Ucchan's not stupid," he sighed, sitting down on his pack. "Because I would get lost on my way to work, because I need to have more money to donate because it's an expensive project, because I rarely have time, because I want to try and get into college and need to study. It just goes on and on and on."  
  
Ton grinned. "Aw, well, let's just go, right? Tokyo. Always wanted to see it."  
  
"Hmn."  
  
"Don't be so pouty, man!"  
  
"At this rate, all I can do is construction, and even then I'd probably end up in the wrong city."  
  
"Now that's pessimism. Why are ya acting so depressed? Don't worry, be happy. Aw, com'on, dude." Tony knudged him. "Why are you doing this, Ryoga, don't act like a pansy."  
  
Ryoga smiled. "You just don't get it, huh? Nothing ever, ever goes right for me."  
  
"Now that's impossible. Think back on it, what was the best thing that's ever happened to you?"  
  
"Ha, probably the fact I ever passed my entrance exams. At least, that's the most miraculous. It took me four weeks to find the damn place, y'know? And then, I have to end up at the same damn school as Saotome."  
  
"Now we're gettin' somewhere. Who's he?" Tony sat down next to Ryoga, smiling.  
  
"Off," Ryoga said suddenly, pushing Tony back.  
  
"Hmm, that's interesting. Gimme the phone, though, I got an idea."  
  
"Gonna call your mom again?" Ryoga handed it over.  
  
"Not quite," Tony said as he held it up and listened.  
  
"Hi, can I please speak to a Kuonji Ukyo on behalf of a prospective partnership?" he asked politely in English, smiling. 


	24. La la la laI'm not listening La la la la

La la la la, I'm not listening! La la la.  
  
'Shampoo and the girl are still staring at that damned T-shirt,' Ukyo thought as she picked up the line.  
  
"Ryoga, stop calling- Very funny, speaking in English like that." Ukyo listened closely, translating the phrases.  
  
"Who is this?" she asked in halting English.  
  
Shampoo and the girl came out of their daze. "Why we at Spatula Girl's?" Shampoo asked Zunni.  
  
"Spatula girl's?" he repeated. "I dunno. Ask her."  
  
Rho laughed. "Dis s so great," he gasped between chuckles. "Dey don' evn know, dey don' evn suspect a ting."  
  
"Suspect what?" the girl asked coolly.  
  
"Want I should tell em wha ya really re?" Rho countered. The girl paled. "Din' tink so."  
  
"Why we here?" Shampoo asked again.  
  
"Because that boy wanted some okonomiyaki. You didn't have to come, though."  
  
"I go where I feel I could go!"  
  
Ukyo stared at the phone some more. "You mean it, don't you?" she whispered as she came back on.  
  
"Who is that?" everyone asked.  
  
"Some American kid who took Ryoga in. Says he's depressed."  
  
"What new about that?"  
  
"Says he's just trying to have something go right."  
  
Shampoo and Zunni both said, "What new about that?"  
  
* * *  
  
Rho was going to stay at the Cat Café, thanks to some quick thinking on both Zunni and Ranma's parts.  
  
"Hello," Kasumi said as she answered the door, smiling. "Why are you out so late?"  
  
"We're in town for a while, and we were wondering if we, that is, my little brother, my two friends here, and myself, could possible stay in a room? We don't need more than one, and I'll be happy to sleep on the roof or patio-"  
  
"We do have the dojo, and we may be able to put one of you in the living room. If you're willing to sleep outside on the porch, I can find you a sleeping bag and a pillow, and everyone-"  
  
"Thank you, but we have all the things we need. Winfield-Kim-â?"  
  
One of the boys thrust his arm out, as if opening a door. He pulled out a box. Out of nothing.  
  
"Here. Tent, futon, blankets, pillow, laptop, a few DVDs and CDs, some comics and a lamp. Just what you packed earlier."  
  
The boy grinned, taking the box and running a little ways down the porch to set up camp.  
  
"So, you get the living room," Nick told Ranma calmly.  
  
"And I suppose you two will split the dojo?" Kasumi asked Toby and Nick.  
  
Nick nodded. "Yes, thank you so very much for letting us use your house," He bowed the Korean way, palms on the inside of thighs. Toby grabbed his arm and hugged. "Let's go, Nick, I'm tired."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"You're really heavy and I had to drag you across the district." Toby yawned, then pressed closer to Nick's arm.  
  
"Sleep time is now," he yawned, snuggling. "Let's go to bed."  
  
Nick sighed, picking him up and carrying him into the dojo. He sat him down, then pulled out a mattress and several blankets, plus a privacy tent and a toothbrush. "You go ahead and get in bed, baby, I'll just be a minute," Nick said as he walked outside holding a bottle of water along with the toothbrush.  
  
Toby stripped, yawned again, and climbed under the blankets. Nick came back in, changed clothes for the night, slid into bed next to Tobias, and snuggled up to him.  
  
"G'night, Mateo," he whispered, kissing him gently on the forehead. Toby mumbled a response.  
  
Zunni turned his laptop on max volume, inserted a demo CD of his own, then tied on his speakers, which also were turned to max.  
  
Nick came out two minutes later and broke them all.  
  
"I thought you two were gonna fuck!" Zuu said, noting Nick's clothes.  
  
"Only in my bed, at my house, in San Diego. Nowhere else. Not even my bed in Steve's room, not my room in our German house or Korean house, my room in San Diego. For privacy reasons."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"Yeah. So get yer mind out of the gutter!" He threw Zuu's broken speakers at him as an extra emphasis before stomping inside.  
  
Zuu rubbed the spot they'd it.  
  
"Ow?"  
  
* * *  
  
Meanwhile, Rho, on the other side of town, was busy explaining to everyone how he was not trying to steal Shampoo from her fiancé. He ended up sleeping outside in the dumpster.  
  
He smiled as he slept, snapping his fingers. As much as he enjoyed retaliation, he really didn't understand what he was retaliating against. 


End file.
